Dating someone in Recovery

posted February 22nd, 2017 at 1:04 PM

I was dating someone in recovery from A and D. The first 4 months were really great, amazing even. This person was forth coming about there recovery and past addictions. But I don't think I really understood the battle that she faced daily and soon enough strange things happened. 1. She would never invite me over to her house. In the ten months I spent with her she never invited me over once. I would call her and ask to come see and hang out and she would refuse. (secrets!) 2. She would only see me when she wanted too and often times would ditch me for her twin sister who was going through some things, which was our whole relationship. It got to the point where it felt like i was competing and always loosing of course. 3. She made me feel like i was crazy! We would argue about god knows what, mostly about how I never saw her. I finally broke it off with her a couple weeks and I have never been so bothered about dismissing a relationship. She was one of the coolest uncoolest people i ever met. I have been reading a lot about recovery and have actually attended a couple alanon meetings for the sake of understanding. But boy did I have the wool pulled over the eyes. Never have i dated someone who would tell me they love me, but do the opposite. What a mind fuck.

3 Comments

they were in a tough situation

Feb 23, 2017 at 1:59pm

dealing with addiction is number one when your an addict. you often can't get close to anyone yet because your going through so much and learning about yourself. I don't think you can hold it against someone when they're not treating you as you wish to be treated when they are dealing with a life or death situation.

Mitch

Feb 23, 2017 at 3:38pm

Yeah I've been there....I figured a girl I was dating had to be an escort because "normal" people are not completely out of touch for strange random lengths of time.

Been there

Mar 10, 2017 at 12:32pm

Dating an addict/recovering addict is very difficult. They can be the most charming and manipulative people out there. They are selfish but so desperate for love, attention and validation. It is exhausting and a total mind f*&k. Ultimately, you will never be more important than their addiction, whether active or not. There are always secrets or things being hidden and you will not be their priority. This is of course a generalization, but from what I have seen and experienced, they only look out for #1 and they will try to control the strings in the relationship. It is so important to set boundaries and not allow co-dependency to form, so that you do not get sucked in to their destructive nature. I too attended Al-Anon and it made it clear as day to me that I needed to get away from the addict in my life or they were going to use me up until I had nothing left to give. Consider the breakup a blessing.