Elderly abuse

Someone very close to me has recently become physically aggressive when drinking to the person she lives with. I don't know what to do in the situation because I don't want to cause more problems by getting the police involved but she is being abusive toward an elderly woman and I'm genuinely concerned for her safety. She hasn't hurt her yet but has started breaking things around the house, throwing things and screaming to the point where the elderly woman is shaking and scared. She has threatened her screaming in her face. My friend needs serious professional help but won't even make an effort. She keeps asking for help but when we suggest these things she ignores all of our advice and just keeps saying the same stuff over and over. I don't know what to do anymore and it's having a very negative impact on my life and everyone else around as well. I feel so bad for the woman she lives with and know she is so scared but doesn't have the guts to confront her. It is so wrong on every level.

10 Comments

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This person needs telling

Feb 20, 2017 at 12:39pm

You say something or call the social worker because elders deserve better.

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Be strong – take action!

Feb 20, 2017 at 1:01pm

This older woman needs your help! Don't be afraid to step up! If you witness your friend behaving violently – screaming, throwing things – while in the company of this older woman, call 9-1-1 immediately. Otherwise, try contacting The Seniors Abuse and Information Line (SAIL). It's a safe, confidential place for older adults and those who care about them to talk to someone about situations where they feel they are being abused or mistreated, or to receive information about elder abuse prevention. Toll-free: 1-866-437-1940 or 604-437-1940 in the Lower Mainland. Be strong and GOOD LUCK!

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Report!!

Feb 20, 2017 at 1:16pm

As a responsible and caring adult, it is your legal and moral obligation to report that kind of abuse to the appropriate authorities. Just as abuse to any other member of society where the individual is in some way vulnerable, such as children, disabled people, animals, or any other person being abused such as in domestic or employment situations; whatever. Yes it's hard, but imagine how awful you would feel if she really hurt this lady and you could have done something to help? Obviously this young woman needs help but is afraid to seek it. Being a caregiver to anyone can be extraordinarily stressful and there is no shame in asking for help before the situation becomes dangerous.

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Holy crap

Feb 20, 2017 at 2:54pm

Elder abuse needs to stop NOW. Call the cops & get advice from them

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Elder abuse is...

Feb 20, 2017 at 5:13pm

... is sad and disturbing, but there is an advocacy site: http://bcceas.ca/programs/sail/ - OP please make the call yourself, as family dynamics can leave a senior in very a vulnerable position, and unable to get out.

SAIL – Seniors Abuse and Information Line

Call: 604-437-1940 or Toll Free: 1-866-437-1940

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Do the right thing

Feb 20, 2017 at 6:17pm

Phone the police. It'll be the best thing you've done for your 'friend'. Maybe it'll be a wake up call. Maybe it won't. Either way protecting someone that doesn't need to be protected is just enabling their behaviour.

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Not good.

Feb 20, 2017 at 7:26pm

I would suggest getting an outside party involved. Social Services, Haven House, even a clergy member of a local church, some kind of community counselor involved. Hell, get them all involved. They can take it from there and take appropriate steps to ensure the safety of this elderly woman. I'm sure you can remain anonymous leaving your friend believe that intervention was carried out by a concerned neighbor. It's the right thing to do. Both your friend and that elderly women need help. You'll feel much worse should something happen to that elderly woman that you would for turning on your friend's abusive nature.

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well, it goes like this

Feb 21, 2017 at 7:40am

If the poor dear ends up being injured (she already is mentally and emotionally) or dying because of the actions of your 'friend' then you are just as guilty for not reporting but that's not the main things here (and how would you feel with that on your conscience?). No one should live in fear, no different than a battered spouse (male or female) or child. You need to IMMEDIATELY call the Seniors Abuse and Information Line (SAIL) and talk to someone to get this woman safe!!!:

Emergency

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, dial 9-1-1 or call the emergency number listed in the front of your phone book.
For non-emergency situations, referrals and information:
Seniors Abuse and Information Line (SAIL)

The Seniors Abuse and Information Line (SAIL) is a safe, confidential place for older adults and those who care about them to talk to someone about situations where they feel they are being abused or mistreated, or to receive information about elder abuse prevention.

• Toll-free: 1-866-437-1940 or 604-437-1940 in the Lower Mainland.

• Available 8:00 am – 8:00 pm daily (excluding holidays).

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OP

Feb 21, 2017 at 3:22pm

Thanks everyone for your advice. I called SAIL this morning and was relieved to speak to someone. I've decided to go ahead and make the steps to help her to safety. It's in both of their best interest and I really wouldn't be able to live with myself if something horrible happened.

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