that you are sick. How come all your children aren't talking to you and treating you like this? You are talking about their mind games and are saying they all talk about you. I don't know you, but you sound like my mother. Please take a real look at yourself, see a therapist. There is a reason for this....

That from your post, you're not behaving rationally. You're contemplating refraining from cancer treatment because...your kids are suggesting that your faculties are not all there? And you don't think this is good evidence your faculties are not all there?

I have two parents who have not taken care of themselves, and it is widely agreed by former co-workers and the small extended family we have that by about 60 they both started displaying signs of cognitive decline, which is quite normal, by the way, we all decline as we age. We forget things, etc. But in those instances, we know we've forgotten something.

But the decline of the executive function is tragic because it's what tells you that you've forgotten something. So once it declines, not only have you forgotten, you've forgotten that you've forgotten, as it were.

If you have multiple adult children giving you this feedback, I would take it seriously. Suspicion/paranoia about people around oneself is certainly a sign of cognitive decline. Of course, and this is the tricky part, it can also be a sign of mental wellbeing.

The narrative you're suggesting is that several adults, who are probably in the prime of their life, are somehow conspiring to manipulate you. While this is possible, it is also possible that you're seeing things that aren't there.

And if you are declining, while you can certainly exercise your brain a bit, about all you can do is have a plan in place for substitute decision making.

Is so sad. I'm sorry they treat you that way.

You're not a burden. You're well within your right to be upset by all this. You're their mother/father, you raised them for 18 or so long years.

I'm of the mindset that children have an obligation to put their parents, as we say in Arabic, over their eyes and heads (I guess that sounds better in its original format:p). To respect them unconditionally. I doubt I'm alone in this regard.

I sincerely hope your children realize their mistake, that you get well soon and fingers croszed don't have cancer, and that you get some resolution out of this. Perhaps express how you feel? You know best. Good luck stranger!

You owe them nothing.

From this point on, do what you feel is right for yourself.

Thank you for the suggestion, but I should clarify that I am under the care of a doctor who feels my cognitive ability is just fine. I've also been talking to therapists who also think that my feelings are entirely normal and justified under the circumstances that I have been dealing with. My children have busy lives. I understand that and up until the health problems came up, so did I. I'm coping with everything entirely alone, and my therapist tells me that if I wasn't "unhappy" right now it would be a miracle. I'm doing the best I can to remain positive but as a normal human being I am also subject to feeling overwhelmed by life at times. I'm sensitive to the vibe that I'm getting and I know I'm not imagining it. What is the most depressing thing of all is that I'm the one that is always willing to be there and listen and try to help everyone if I possibly can, but when I most need it, my own children are not there for me. I'm seriously at the point where all I want to do is fade away, but I know that even doing that will be construed as selfish! I can't win with these people, so right now I'm done trying.

@seems to me
"Declining about 60?"!!
The most asinine thing I have ever seen written on this site in years.

from the Op again, to "it seems" - from the tone of your comment, you sound exactly like one of my own offspring. Very condescending and patronizing. As if being in your 30's means you have somehow mastered the art of life and an old coot like myself can't possibly know a thing. Of course, if I'm questioning you, I must be nuts! What other possible conclusion could there be? Here is my suggestion - perhaps try looking at the situation from the other person's POV. Such as, imagine how it might be to be entirely alone and dealing with some MAJOR life crises. Imagine having a bunch of know-it-all children who assume you're crazy, even though you're perfectly sane. Imagine trying to talk to any of them, and having them treat you like you're an imbecile, simply because you are expressing what it is really like to live your life. Imagine being continually criticized for not living up to their expectations and being told you're "negative" if you dare to express any authentic emotion.

So, whoever you are, I detect that you're very young, assume that the limited education you've received is all that there is to learn, and assume that your parent is clearly "declining" since of course you couldn't possibly be wrong.

your post could have been written by me. I in fact have been told I have 2 forms of the big c right now along with a cracked arm. my kids are in their thirties & are totally ignoring me. I think sometimes I raised a couple of jerks. what can you do? you can't force people to care. thank goodness my buddies talk to me a fair bit & know what's going on

Join a support group or tai chi or something that pleases you. Outside perspective is everything. good luck & peace to you!

Obviously I don't know your situation, but there's a difference between "legally incompetent" and "imprudent." A doctor's standard is different from what a reasonably prudent person would do. I'll give an example.

Around 60 was when I started having to review my mom's decisions about household repairs. She'd never been the sort to get 3 bids, get references, check them, etc. but she had been sensible enough to use contractors referred to her by her professional/educated friends who owned homes, and it worked out OK, for the most part.

So, I get a call one day and she tells me that she's having some work done. OK, great, I ask how she found the guy. She tells me he was going door to door in the neighborhood offering to "do some work." Red flag 1. I ask if she has a written contract. Nope. Red flag 2. She tells me that w/o a written contract, estimate, etc. she had given him $8k in cash, no receipt. She didn't even have an address for the guy. Red flag 3.

And I was the bad guy, I was the one who was lacking in trust, goodness, etc. I mean, I met the guy once, and any reasonably prudent person would take one look at him and refuse to do business with him. Maybe I'm a bit of an asshole, but nobody's ever ripped me off for $8k...I tell her all this, and I'm still the bad guy, I am "judgmental," because, you know, "you can't judge a book by its cover," all sorts of nonsense. Like, this guy was one step off the Whalley Strip---he just hadn't lost his truck, so he could scam old people by pretending to be a handyman.

And in the end, we found out he had scammed at least 3 elderly householders in our neighborhood---same MO each time. He'd "start work" by ripping something up (like a roof) and then he'd demand several thousand dollars to do anything else. Once mom found this out she realized what had happened, but it wasn't enough that her loving son said "mom, you have a problem here..."

And if she'd related the story to her doc, it's not medico-legal incompetence for a patient to make bad business decisions, so I'm sure her doc would think "jeez, what a maroon," but not in a clinical sense. A therapist is basically someone you pay to hear what keeps you coming back.

Of course, your situation might be totally different. But a doc's bar for "incompetent" is much lower than "imprudent." And therapists...not gonna go there...