Families

I wish I could express this to people i'm close to but... I'm almost 40 and in a LTR. I've been in a few of 5+ years relationships and although i've loved the person i'm with, i've never felt the need to have kids. It's never been the right time or I just want to do one more trip.. I have seen such amazing and horrible things in this world, I can't imagine bringing yet another person into this place that is already very over populated. Saying this, it seems to be just what people do. But why? I'm under the impression its because the relationship gets boring or they just want to see a smaller version of them, or they are scared to be old and alone. Any other reasons? I can't imagine my life and what I would have missed if I had a kid when I was 20. I knew nothing about life and the world at 20, and would have raised an equally inept human at that time. I just want to understand others points of view about life on earth.

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it's a drive

Apr 28, 2017 at 3:56pm

I always wanted to be a dad. I saw myself as being someone who could relate to kids and be a good guide and support. I liked the idea of having a hand in shaping the next generation in the most personal way it gets.

That said, I am not against the childless, with overpopulation and all. It's a valid choice. In fact I wish the people with 10 kids would exchange choices with you

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My point of view about life on earth.

Apr 28, 2017 at 10:14pm

Procreation is merely the continuation of life on this earth providing the nutjobs running this planet don't blow it all up. From my own spiritual perspective, I believe in the end we all stand alone before our maker, and all that we can take with us, the only thing that lasts forever is the love we gave and received. Our reason for living is to love and to be loved, and that's it. Nothing else matters. If you don't have love, you're left with nothing in the end.

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Both sides of the coin

Apr 28, 2017 at 10:19pm

So I understand your dilemma. I'm not saying that I'm in a similar situation. On the contrary, I'm a female who had children in my early 20's and I'm now a grandmother. All I can say is that it's a very special thing to have kids and to be a grandparent. That's not to say that it's all a walk in the park, but it certainly does give a human being a different perspective on life. You need to do what feels right for you, but please don't discard the feelings of your parents or grandparents who have lived much longer than you and as a result of that they have learned some things about living that you cannot comprehend unless you've lived it too. Maybe what I can tell you is that having a child gives you an entirely new perspective on love and what it truly means to love unconditionally. Until you have done that, it's not very likely that you can completely comprehend what it means to embrace the whole of the human experience. Please don't misunderstand me; I know that there are some people who have never been parents who are able to also do that! It's just that in my experience, until someone has experienced what it means to put another person's needs ahead of their own, they tend not to comprehend what that means and as a result they often become very self-absorbed adults. Maybe that above all is a good reason to have kids.

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The love of my life

Apr 29, 2017 at 2:09am

And I broke up because this person feels a dire need to procreate. Whereas I am strictly ambivalent. It seems like a bad idea to create a human if I'm not firmly committed to the idea. So we batted the issue around for too long before we split amicably but unfortunately.

Here's some advice, kids: get to know someone's procreative proclivities in detail before you ruin each other's life by falling in love with the wrong person.

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There are no guarantees

Apr 29, 2017 at 11:25am

There's no guarantee that having kids means you won't be alone. Kids grow up and go off on their own, start their own families. They could die before you. There are no guarantees that having kids means you won't be alone.

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Felix

Apr 29, 2017 at 1:23pm

I agree. The city is full of selfish breeders. Do they even think of what kind of world they're bringing these brats into?

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Extreme views

Apr 29, 2017 at 3:01pm

Not everyone who wants to have kids are doing it for the superficial and selfish reasons that you are mentioning. You don't need to have kids at 20, because you're bored or are afraid of growing old and lonely. I'm surprised that you're almost 40, and fancy yourself to be open minded and knowledgeable about the world when you have such ignorant and judgemental opinion of others' decision to have children. Unless you are in favour of the extinction of our race, it is necessary to reproduce in order to preserve the human population. Some people are simply better suited for parenting (above commenter) than others (you). There's no right or wrong life decision; it's simply a personal choice.

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It's built into our makeup

Apr 30, 2017 at 12:09am

Just like the birds and the bees - why do they procreate? Survival of the species - a very biological trait. Also, I found having children was a very profound experience - nothing could match it.

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Why don't you just ask your parents?

Apr 30, 2017 at 11:30am

It seems obvious that the best answer would come from your own parents, OP. Ask them why they had you?

I find it laughable that you think people have kids because "the relationship gets boring". Sounds like you have contempt against parents and look for the negative motivator.

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Life

Apr 30, 2017 at 2:28pm

I believe that we do not all get to "choose" what we have in life it just happens . I wish society would not pass judgement on different life paths. Marriage and Family may not happen or be a need for everyone. Some of us need roots and others need wings. That may change during one's life. Each person is entitled to their own journey. No right or wrong.

Enjoy YOUR journey. You never know what is around the corner. I am going to become a Mom at 49. Met the man I wanted to have children with late in life.

Cheers!

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