Don't assume.

I’m a pretty masculine, muscular gay guy, and I’m totally ok with my sexuality. I guess because of this, people can't usually tell, and automatically assume I'm into girls. I don’t go around telling people, but if they ask, I tell. A couple of months ago I made friends with this one guy at work. We were pretty good friends at work, talked all the time, laughed and always paired up to do work together. Despite my attraction towards men, and how well we got along, I never perceived our interaction as anything more than just a simple, cool work friendship. That was all it ever was to me. He is a pretty good looking dude, but I never really looked at him that way. To me, he was just my buddy at work. Nothing more. I knew he was straight, and I’m more than respectful when it comes to these things, as I hate making guys feel uncomfortable. We never talked about girls or guys, and he never asked if I was straight or gay, so I never told him. One day I walk into to work, ready to say hi to my buddy and start my day, and I noticed right away that something was wrong. This guy was like a completely different person towards me. He wouldn’t even look at me, or talk to me. If I asked anything, he’ll reply back in like icicles and leave the room. I didn’t know what was going on, until my other friend told me that the day before after I left work, someone made a comment (while my buddy was present) about me being gay, and how cool it is to have a supportive work environment. Apparently the guy almost fell backwards when he found out! Anyway, things have totally changed. We haven’t talked much since then, and to be honest, I have no desire to. If you can’t accept someone’s sexuality, and or at least care enough to have a decent conversation to straighten things out, then maybe we weren’t that good friends to begin with!

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Said

May 30, 2017 at 3:37pm

Every cute girl who thought she had a guy "best friend".

hmmm

May 30, 2017 at 4:48pm

I agree with you, and you sound like you handled the situation right. I never minded having gay buds at work, assuming that I even know who is gay (I have very little in the way of gaydar).

Maybe it freaked him out that he couldn't tell, or some shit.

Or, uh....now you are making him question himself a bit and he is not into questioning himself.

Unfortunate. I'm sure it is irksome and kinda hurtful in 2017 for this to be a problem.

He's a prick

May 30, 2017 at 5:00pm

Sorry that happened to you. He's not a good enough person to be your friend.

Just shrug it off.

May 30, 2017 at 5:27pm

Just be the same respectful person you've always been and, at some point, he'll grow the fuck up and get over it.
My similar experience was in my apartment building. Apparently everybody assumed I was a polite, friendly straight man. One morning, 5 AM, one of the older women walking her dog saw me kissing my date goodbye in the lobby, and reacted with horror!! It took a couple of weeks of putting up with the discomfort and suspicious stares from a number of other tenants before things normalized again.
I just acted as if nothing had changed , and continued to be my usual charming self. They've all gotten over it. They eventually realized it was their problem, not mine.

Try to be patient with other people's insecurities. Good luck.

He thought he was having a straight bromance with you.

May 30, 2017 at 7:20pm

Then he had a" Yikes!" moment and panicked. He probably felt you had misrepresented yourself by not mentioning that you were gay.

You didn't do anything wrong, but you can avoid these sticky situations in the future by casually mentioning your orientation early on in the friendship. Such as "My old boyfriend is trying to get back with me. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes..."
At least then he'll know, and can then decide what degree of platonic warmth he's comfortable with with you.

That's what I do now, and everything runs way more smoothly .

@Said

May 30, 2017 at 7:23pm

Nice that you had to throw "cute" in there...
because obviously non-cute girls best guy friends really are because the girl isn't what you'd consider cute.

maybe you and your gay friends

May 30, 2017 at 8:32pm

Should file a class action suit

Tell him not to worry

May 30, 2017 at 10:15pm

Tell him you've already checked out his ass, and it only made you think of your Aunt Doreen. The one with eight kids.

buddy

May 30, 2017 at 10:47pm

you don't have to disclose anything to a work mate or a friend. disclosing your orientation is your choice. that guy is weird and possibly homophobic or not comfortable with his sexuality.

Let's build a wall...

May 31, 2017 at 9:30am

...bigots on the outside. You deserve so much better. I'm so sorry. I wish people realized how much actual harm their hateful bigotry causes.

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