I don't know if you had any actual feelings for me at any point but what you did last summer, that was low. Silly me, I knew it couldn't have been a happy ending but it couldn't stop me from feeling and letting it happen the way it did. You made me realize I loved you since the day we met, for 3 years we worked together; that immediate familiarity and comfort from being around you from day 1 that I still can't figure out why. That summer was like a care-free lusty love song and now, the thought of seeing you in the streets, or at the mall, or anywhere... it scares me to death. You are a filthy lying manipulative scum of the earth but I still can't help loving you even after all this time. I still catch myself thinking about you, dreaming of when I could still look you in the eye without hurting. I'm so afraid of seeing a glimpse of your easy-going smile or hearing your voice again because my mind will scream to get away to save myself from you but I know my heart will always be weak for you and you fucking know it too. I hope to God I am strong if I ever do.