I desperately (don't) want to see you ever again

I don't know if you had any actual feelings for me at any point but what you did last summer, that was low. Silly me, I knew it couldn't have been a happy ending but it couldn't stop me from feeling and letting it happen the way it did. You made me realize I loved you since the day we met, for 3 years we worked together; that immediate familiarity and comfort from being around you from day 1 that I still can't figure out why. That summer was like a care-free lusty love song and now, the thought of seeing you in the streets, or at the mall, or anywhere... it scares me to death. You are a filthy lying manipulative scum of the earth but I still can't help loving you even after all this time. I still catch myself thinking about you, dreaming of when I could still look you in the eye without hurting. I'm so afraid of seeing a glimpse of your easy-going smile or hearing your voice again because my mind will scream to get away to save myself from you but I know my heart will always be weak for you and you fucking know it too. I hope to God I am strong if I ever do.

5 Comments

Post a Comment

Been there

Jun 17, 2017 at 3:02pm

I've been where you are. Trust me... They were only showing you what they wanted you to see. They were manipulating with every intention of hurting you. These little narcissistic egotists/ sociopaths are addicted to power and attention. They will literally drive you to insanity if you're not careful. .... You believed that you loved them, but you didn't really. You never really knew them. The person you believed they were, never would have done that to you. The person you loved, was just a character of fiction created or copied by a con artist.

4 1Rating: +3

Ouch!

Jun 17, 2017 at 5:23pm

My heart goes out to you. I am experiencing something similar and it is truly agonizing. Many people lack self awareness and empathy. Unprocessed childhood wounds often cause people to predate or be predated upon. I know it hurts like hell, but try to find ways to give yourself the love you deserve. Sending a hug.

4 1Rating: +3

reflect

Jun 17, 2017 at 6:59pm

Instead of distracting and avoiding... face your struggles... learn to love... and accept taking responsibility... question what you fear... is it realization of seeing how you make another person feel?

1 1Rating: 0

Here comes the flood

Jun 17, 2017 at 9:50pm

Last summer. Lets see now- bear with me, my memory and all...went for a ride on Mercy Street, purchased some remedy, restrung my heart to yours...as if...that was necessary. Picked up the slack...speaking of which- one more year eh? Forget about it! Love is a long, long road...

0 1Rating: -1

I wonder

Jun 21, 2017 at 2:20pm

If it's the same asshole that did this to me. Except I was in love with him for 18 years!

1 0Rating: +1

Join the Discussion

To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.