People are complex and they can often have conflicting needs and desires on a multitude of levels. I don't think it's necessarily "intentional blindness" as you put it. For some people, finding the perfect person that is able to satisfy them on all levels just isn't possible and lot of the time they will go on a hunt from relationship to relationship in an attempt to understand themselves. So for you maybe you were able to integrate your needs and desires relatively quickly in comparison and maybe psychologically the different aspects of your psyche have fit together more harmoniously. If this is something that comes relatively more easily it can make you not understand how others have a more complicated time dealing with it.

You blew it. Get over them. Move on. You have other commitments.

Some people are just completely in it for themselves and have no intention of actually committing to anyone else. Unfortunately unless you know what the clues are from the get-go, by the time you realize that they're not in it for love, you may have already fallen. Some of these people are narcissistic sociopaths, but most are just players who have those tendencies and who think that it's all just a game. If you're one of the "real" people who don't understand the game players, then you're going to need to inform yourself about the characteristics of the players that you need to look out for. Good luck and try to put some protection around your heart. In other words, try not to give it until you're pretty sure that the other person is willing to give it too. Trust me on this one; I'm just like you.

"Great sex" as in the we really shouldn't be doing this sort. Or of the I am playing out a power role or fetish sort. Both being thrill rides and perversions of sex. Genuine great sex is shared between equals of course and is on another level.