Can you hate a nice person?

I hate my friend's husband. He's a nice guy and a great husband, but he always needs to be the center of attention. At parties he interrupts and talks over other conversations until somebody listens to him. Then he corners that person with his inane, incessant talking. He doesn't get the hint if you look bored or don't respond. If you change the subject, he'll direct it back to himself. I love my friend but might have to end our friendship because she doesn't want to go anywhere without her husband. She and I haven't hung out by ourselves in five years. She always invites me to do stuff, but often I say no because secretly I can't put up with him anymore. We all went to a pub a few weeks ago and he lectured me for ten minutes about running, even though I'm a marathon runner (he's not) I had to clench my teeth to keep from screaming at him. Next time it happens, I might totally lose my shit. Then I'll probably lose my friend anyway.


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Sep 17, 2012 at 9:58pm

In a recent interview, Noam Chomsky noted that speech in humans is almost completely unrelated to communication.
Your friends husbands boorish behaviour sounds to be a good example of that. It's likely uncontrollable, though. My wild guess is it stems from deep seated anxiety. Good luck with it.

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Sep 17, 2012 at 11:09pm

He's a narcissist. Not much you can do, better to say how you feel and steer clear to protect yourself and avoid compromise.

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Sep 18, 2012 at 8:12am

Coax her out for some girl time only and keep it like that more often.

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Pro Nice

Sep 18, 2012 at 3:24pm

No, you cannot hate a nice person. If this was a serious issue they wouldn't have any friends at all. It's more about you and your need for attention. So what if she wants to be with him all the time.

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Sep 18, 2012 at 10:33pm

You might be doing your friend's husband a favour by telling him politely that you find his behavior unpleasant. And that you'll no longer be around him. Life is unpleasant enough without you forcing yourself to endure a difficult person for limited benefit to you.

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