dinner defense mechanism (i'm an idiot)

Tonight at dinner, I acted like you meant as much to me as the rest of the group. Why? Because I'm afraid you mean more to me than I can admit to. There's no way I miss you this much. Me? Miss YOU? I can have anybody! Why would I miss the way you teased me? Or the way you listened to my life stories at the park? Or how your eyes squint and your dimple shows when you smile? Why would I miss those things when I could simply get over you and forget how much we had in common? It'll be so easy! I'll just find another human being with the same values and interesting life questions as yours. Out of sight = out of mind, right? Truth is... I CARE FOR YOU. Do you even know how rare you are?? I want to wrap you in my arms and keep you safe because you're that precious to me. Not in a jealous way, either. I want you to go out there and experience everything life has to offer (including other men), but I want you to come running to ME whenever you have a problem because I want to be the one to make it all better. You aren't another "dime piece" I want to "slam". You're the cutest, most genuinely amazing person I've met in a long time. I don't want you hurt. I want to protect you and squeeze you til you feel like the most loved creature on the planet. I'm sorry I flirted with everyone at dinner tonight except you. I play these stupid mind games to have you and myself believe that what we have is just a normal companionship. I can't believe myself sometimes! I've finally accepted that I need to tell you all this soon. Next week, in fact. Just you and me. If I don't take the chance, then I miss out on this wonderful relationship. If I do, I may just find what my heart's been craving for so long.