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posted Monday, June 25, 2012 at 11:38pm
Im going to turn 30 this year and ive never been in a so-called real relationship. From what ive read on here, it doesnt seem like im missing much. I spent my 20's becomming a grownup, not cheating on, lying to, or tormenting people. I fear what will be left for me is a lot of damaged goods.
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Jun 26, 2012 at 10:28 am
Your not going to be damaged goods....thats sad to say.....as for turning 30, you should look forward to it. Nothing wrong with not yet being in a real relationship. That time will come and you will be glorious.....its all good
Jun 26, 2012 at 11:47 am
What the OP is saying...is what is out there for him/her (ie; girls/guys to choose from will be DAMAGED based on what he/she reads on here, which i must add is so true based on the choices that the girl/guys in their 20's and 30's make).... To the OP, wish more people would be a grownup. Good job! Be proud you are ! and may another grownup find you :)
Jun 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm
what I read in the posting is that OP is afraid that all that's left for him/her are 'damaged goods'.... yikes... so we wonder why he/she hasn't had a real relationship? Is that the new term for women (or potential partners) these days... Damaged Goods??? Heartbreak is a part of life, pretty much everyone goes through it, and does not mean they are damaged, or goods. You need a new perspective on life.
Jun 26, 2012 at 1:15 pm
& the longer it goes on the more I think it may never happen but I'm not sure I'd know how to behave in one now if it did I'm so accustomed to being alone. I'd probably be considered damaged goods for the lack of experience. FWBs & BS like that I've had but those aren't real relationships, right
Jun 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm
Congratulations on taking your time, learning about yourself and gaining confidence. Those are qualities of a grownup. May all the grownups find other grownups to be with. Good luck! and persevere.
Jun 26, 2012 at 5:22 pm
If you have not experienced a mature, adult relationship by the age of 30, then there is something seriously wrong with you.
You have all or some of these qualities: Fear of intimacy, commitment issues, a terrible personality, immature, lack of confidence, or you have a personality disorder.
What is it about you that stops you experiencing long term relationships?
You need to figure that out.
You have all or some of these qualities: Fear of intimacy, commitment issues, a terrible personality, immature, lack of confidence, or you have a personality disorder.
What is it about you that stops you experiencing long term relationships?
You need to figure that out.
Jun 26, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I suspect that you're quite a negative person. Yes people in relationships lie, cheat and torment people. But, there are others who also love unconditionally, offer support, and are make everyday of your life brighter and better.
First thing's first, do yourself a favour and don't refer to people as "damaged goods".
How would you like it if a person you were really into told you that you were "damaged goods" because you've never had an adult relationship and they don't want to date someone with zero relationship experience? Sorry, but if I were dating, that would be a massive red flag to me.
Honestly, what I can take away from your post is that you're trying to justify not having a relationship because you read the Confessions section in the Straight from time to time and you don't like what you see. So let me get this straight, you're judging all of human kind by anonymous internet posts?
Dude, please get out into the real world. I'm not sure what your definition of being a grownup is, but a huge part of growing up is maintaining friendships and intimate relationships.
I would suggest getting up off of your high horse, and take a look at YOURSELF and ask why nobody is interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you.
Sorry, but I thought this post was ridiculous.
First thing's first, do yourself a favour and don't refer to people as "damaged goods".
How would you like it if a person you were really into told you that you were "damaged goods" because you've never had an adult relationship and they don't want to date someone with zero relationship experience? Sorry, but if I were dating, that would be a massive red flag to me.
Honestly, what I can take away from your post is that you're trying to justify not having a relationship because you read the Confessions section in the Straight from time to time and you don't like what you see. So let me get this straight, you're judging all of human kind by anonymous internet posts?
Dude, please get out into the real world. I'm not sure what your definition of being a grownup is, but a huge part of growing up is maintaining friendships and intimate relationships.
I would suggest getting up off of your high horse, and take a look at YOURSELF and ask why nobody is interested in maintaining a romantic relationship with you.
Sorry, but I thought this post was ridiculous.
Jun 26, 2012 at 8:17 pm
Good for you man. I'm almost 40 and in the same boat but I will not lower my standards and settle for something just to have something. I know I'm considered 'damaged goods' because the last girl that I got close to changed significantly after I declared my never-in-a-relationship status. I don't give a shit, I'll remain honest and won't lie to make myself appear more 'experienced'.
Good luck the rest of the way!
Good luck the rest of the way!
Jun 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm
I agree with the above posters. I think that it's unfair to label everyone that had a different experience damaged goods. I'm a normal, non-damaged person in my 30's, and I've had relationships throughout my 20's. In fact, I feel that I've grown and become a better person because of them. I have to admit that when I meet people that are now in their 30's and 40's and they haven't had even one serious relationship, it does concern me a little bit, and I wonder what the reason for that is. To the poster that mentioned being in their 40's and never having one - your post screams red flag to me. Not so much because of your age, but because of your wording of "not settling". How do you even know what settling is if you've never been a relationship, and what makes you feel that you are so above others when you have no relationship life experience to bring to the table? Relationship experience lets you bring things to the table like conflict resolution skills, communications skills, what it's like being sexual when it's a relationship, how to compromise, etc.That is most likely why the behaviour of the girl you told changed. It's daunting to enter into a relationship with a person at a later stage of life when they haven't built up those skills and lessons yet. That is why people do it in their 20's. You learn about yourself and other people. What you like, what you don't, what you are looking for, etc. That way when you reach your 30's and 40's you are in a place where you are ready to be a good and complete partner to someone else.
Jun 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm
I'm 35 with plenty of potentially "goods damaging" relationship experience. You only get damaged by your experiences or lack of, if you let yourself. If you don't grow, learn and heal as a person. If you haven't made friends with yourself. I think there is someone out there for everyone. Don't fret it, when you meet that person or people, it'll happen. Honestly, every relationship has a learning curve. What works forgone couple may not for others. If you are a decent sort, who can maintain meaningful relationships with friends and family, romantic partnerships are pretty similar, but with the added bonuses of all that mushy romance stuff and sex. Don't rush any relationship, trust your gut and just keep being decent..
Jul 1, 2012 at 2:38 am
I wouldn't have put it as harshly, but to be honest I do often avoid dating men with no real relationship experience by the age of 30. I would advise they did get counselling. My heartbreak has made me a much wiser more emotionally mature woman, I'm 31 and have had two long term relationships. On my down days I have felt like "damaged goods" but those are so rare. The truth is that I wouldn't trade any of this experience for anything and I would never want to date someone who is as naive as I was before I ever had a boyfriend. I also think actually having felt you are damaged or like a failure is good for people, it keeps us learning, growing and being humble. Someone who has never found a way to be in relationship, lost one or messed it up is worth avoiding more then someone who lived and learned.
Jul 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm
"Damaged goods" my goodness...can we all show each other a little forgiveness like the song says? I'm 33 and all I have to show for my love life is the one abusive relationship that I was bullied into in my 20's. The process of getting out made me the grounded and happy person I am today. No, I haven't had a relationship based on mutual love. Why? I don't get asked out on dates much and I get rejected when I do the asking. The few dates I've had never made it to a second date for lack of chemistry. If that makes me "damaged goods", that just makes dating more intimidating than it should be.
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