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FOLLOW THIS
posted Thursday, June 21, 2012 at 11:33pm
I have been learning to set more boundaries in my life over the past year. I often feel unsure of myself, but I feel like I am recognizing a lot of unsatisfying relationships in my life and I'm not sure how to deal with them. I've ended the most of the ones that I felt were not healthy or balanced in terms of being mutually beneficial. But because so many of my relationships were unhealthy and unbalanced, I now feel like I've pushed everyone away. I'm not sure if I am going from one extreme to another, and perhaps I will eventually settle somewhere closer to the middle? I feel so unsure of myself, and I find this whole business of boundary setting to be really painful and tiring. I feel like I am growing and doing something good for myself; however, I feel exhausted and lonely.
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Jun 22, 2012 at 7:02 am
Change is always hard - transitions are difficult. I like to see life as a journey - and sometimes part of that journey can be bumpy, as we continue on to where we are meant to be. Hang in there - you know that you're setting boundaries for a reason - it's so you can be in a healthy, positive place. As you continue on this journey, good things will come to you for having taken this step - you'll see!
Jun 22, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Believe in yourself and follow your heart! Make your decisions from a place of love and everything will work out. When you do what is right for you, wonderful new people will start showing up in your life. Be open and trust that you are exactly where you need to be. :)
Jun 22, 2012 at 8:25 pm
don't stress, you're doing great. learning boundaries is one thing, applying what you've learned takes a lot of practice...
Jun 23, 2012 at 1:18 am
Sounds like you got chop-happy as a way of setting boundaries. You have to be careful with this approach because having healthy boundaries doesn't always mean ending entire relationships. Sometimes cutting someone out completely is simply finding yourself a way-out (even if it's not easy). I have been a victim of a friend dumping that was very very painful for me, she was going through this big life change of feeling she needed to remove everyone who was not a part of her future vision. I think she missed out on a lot by severing me and really scared me. In time I did move on and forgive her even though we still havent spoken. Be careful who you cut-out and remember that sometimes you just need time away from a person or you need to find the courage to have difficult conversations with people. Don't burn bridges or go overboard. Balance is key.
Jun 23, 2012 at 8:12 pm
Thank you for this piece of advice. As I mentioned above, I think I went a little too far over to the other side and am hoping to find balance. I guess it is all a case-by-case basis though. I did recognize a few relationships that were born out of an unhealthy place, and when I am trying to progress and move forward, but the other person is still stuck in our past way of being, it is just not worth it. At least not in my opinion. I think that people these days are treated in too disposable of a manner; however, some people/the dynamics of some relationships are just straight up toxic and it really takes two to be able to change that.
Jun 24, 2012 at 1:32 am
Yeah so true, It's all in how you say goodbye to someone, if you think it's the best thing and there is no other option, and you know that if you hang around it will just be for charity, then by all means you aren't doing them a favor by hanging around. Significant relationships deserve proper clear compassionate closure and ideally in person, the disappearing act or one-way letter often hurt people cruelly and make bad karma for yourself. Thats my two cents anyway. Good luck to you :) All the best.
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