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posted Friday, April 20, 2012 at 6:36pm
I am minding my own business from now on when it comes to sky train courtesy. For the first time I spoke up to someone to give their seat up to not one but a second elderly person during rush hour and the only person who appeared to be the asshole in the situation was me. I thought I was doing the right thing, however, the elderly person didn't even appreciate my effort. Maybe I am too observant when it comes to kindness but this is my first and last time that I speak up because it doesn't appear to pay off. Now I just feel like a jerk.
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Apr 21, 2012 at 12:10 am
...when you decide to do a good thing, you won't receive the response that you would like to receive. All you need to do is shift your perspective. Instead of feeling "like a jerk" or becoming cynical (there are WAY too many cynical people already!), focus on your own intentions and actions regardless of the outcome. At the end of the day, you can feel good about who you are as a person and the way that you choose to act. For some reason or another, there will be times when people don't appreciate or even notice your efforts. You cannot control anybody else but yourself. Don't cross over to the other side :)
Apr 21, 2012 at 12:35 am
Yep - you're a jerk. Often 'old' people are quite content standing, or in fact find standing easier than the painful process of sitting down and getting up - particularly if they have back issues. Why make up a story in your mind about being an avenging angel of goodness, when all you have to do is breathe and let others get on with their lives.
Apr 21, 2012 at 7:13 am
I will say this. I come from a smaller city where people appear to me more aware in these situations and I also had the thought that I wouldn't want this to happen to my mother or grandmother. She was pulling her little grocery cart with her and it just didn't sit right with me that she should have to stand when a big strong young man would have been in a better position to give a seat up than to see her stand. However, she appeared more uncomfortable with my assertiveness than the gesture at hand. She took the seat nonetheless but due to her obvious discomfort over the situation I will refrain from becoming "that person" in the future because yes, I suppose I am a jerk for speaking out to him. My apologies to the big dude for making him give up his seat.
Apr 21, 2012 at 8:00 am
Your heart was in the right place but maybe fine tune the process. instead of taking on the young man sitting, go right to the source. i'm assuming you were standing otherwise you would have given your own seat up so ask the older person standing next to you or near you if they would like to sit down because you can find them a seat if they want. i'll tell you one thing though, "older" is right around the corner for me and i'll be all over getting the old lady perks and thinking young men like you are knights in shining armor. and the big dude deserves no apology, he should have offered it up, period.
Apr 21, 2012 at 10:42 am
Your morals are good. Don't feel like that because of a rejection. The jerks are the people who don't speak up. And maybe a Little bit of the elder too.
Apr 21, 2012 at 12:04 pm
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Certainly feels like it sometimes.
Apr 21, 2012 at 1:44 pm
You are NOT a jerk at all. If you were sitting and commanded someone to move or give up their seat then yes, that would be strange. I think the intention and kind gesture should have resulted in a more positive outcome.I appreciate the compassion and sensitivity of your efforts and if it were me I would have thanked you. Please disregard the message left by @coach.
Apr 22, 2012 at 3:46 pm
For the love of god, keep up the good work! We need to stop pretending that we all live in a bubble and not be afraid of engaging with the people around us. I'm certain that the other people on the bus were thinking the same thing you were and were happy that you did something about the situation :)
Apr 24, 2012 at 12:21 am
You're not a jerk, and I too wish more folks would be courteous about the elderly/disability seats. I use them (I have an "invisible" disability) but will always give them up to a mobility impaired person or someone in clear need of it more than I.
But, on the flip side, just because someone is young or otherwise healthy looking, does not necessarily mean that they are not disabled. Just as not all elderly will want the seats. Some younger folks in those seats (like me) do need them occassionally, and I've had my share of digs and glares for sitting there, usually on the days my daily morphine doesn't cut through pain, and a seat is nice!
But, on the flip side, just because someone is young or otherwise healthy looking, does not necessarily mean that they are not disabled. Just as not all elderly will want the seats. Some younger folks in those seats (like me) do need them occassionally, and I've had my share of digs and glares for sitting there, usually on the days my daily morphine doesn't cut through pain, and a seat is nice!
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