At war with myself

I am going through the same thing, it comes in waves. There are moments where I am so over-taken by anger at my ex boyfriend that I want to scream and cry at the same time. I love him deeply and the compassion and longing comes in waves too--it becomes a battle of my brain and heart and the internal conflict becomes gut wrenching and consuming. I know he treated me poorly when we were together and that the manner in which he made his final exit was unnecessarily cruel and deplorable. He stooped as low as to suddenly vanish thus prohibiting me from sharing any visitation with our dog and then, kindled connections with a couple of my close personal girlfriends. His lack of tact and insensitivity is mind-boggling coming from a grown man, especially one that claimed to care deeply about me for many years. There are days where I wonder why I even stayed with him as long as I did, and the worst part is, even with the glaring pain he's caused me I still can't seem to accept how over me he is, and how gone he is from my life. It comforts me in a small way to know there are others like me out there.

@anonymous... There's no excuse for disappearing on a woman, nor is there an excuse for a woman to be left sitting with the kind of anger mentioned. I am not trying to say I am better then you, but its men like you that give respectable guys like me a bad name. Wrap your deal up with your woman properly before you fuck off. No ones perfect but grow a pair and be accountable for your actions. I was raised by a single mother and delt with chicken shit men in and out of our lives. Ive also managed to be friends with my ex girlfriends none of whom want me dead, but many who have stories from their boyfriends before me that make me sick. Its not these chicks who live in fatasy worlds, its their lame exes whom seem to think they can treat their girlfriends like shit then take the easy way out when she eventually snaps. @op I am sorry about the guy he doesn't deserve your love.

That's a fairly typical male response. A man's "kahunas" can be measured by the way he chooses to walk away and the damage he causes by the insensitive words and actions that follow. A person has the right to be happy and if they are not happy with someone, no one should expect them to stay; but we are all entitled to be shown a level of respect. Especially if the relationship was essentially good ie: no cheating, stealing or lying. You can not say that these exes were not so deplorable as you don't know the circumstances in which they chose to walk away. In my case, my ex used me and lied to me to make his life easier during a transition period. He was lonely and I paid a hefty price in believing his words were truth. I don't doubt that there are men out there who have hurt their exes unintentionally and have been suffering in silence at their displeasure with themselves, but I truly believe that (especially in my case) he doesn't even think about it because he is just a selfish man who got what he wanted in the end.