I was standing at New west station infront of Safeway, talking to some friends. You walked passed us with your friend, and went in to Safeway and when you got in you looked back...
I fell for you in high school and you fell for me but because of another we never ended up together. You ended up marrying that other girl and I made the mistake of marrying someone I didn't love as much as you. Still to this day, so many years later, whenever I see you, my heart hurts with longing over what might have been. Then I see something familiar in your eyes and I know that you, as well, are wondering the same thing.
I love you but I'm starting to wonder more and more whether that's enough for me to stay. I'm not ready to say this to your face yet. I think too much with my head, it's true.
I like buying hookers. Sometime in 2008, after class I went for a walk, I ended up in a hooker stroll. I thought with the wrong head and "bought" one. Now I like walking around the "strolls" around town while stoned on weed and banging hookers in back alleys. I'm a young, good looking guy, women smile and say hello quite a lot... still, I like buying hookers, it's thrilling sneaking off to some back alley with a nice, young (legal) hooker.
Whenever I meet somebody (male or female) in person or see somebody on TV, the first thing I do is look for a ring. On men, to see if they're single; on women, in an attempt to compare my life with hers.
I hate you more than anyone I've ever met and yet I am terrified that you could easily come back into my life and completely unravel everything I've built for myself since I walked away from you.
I hate Christmas. I used to love it. It's the second year that I am spending it without you, even though I had every chance not to. I fucked things up. I know it. I'm sorry. Now if only I could say these things to you...
It hurts at night when I sleep alone thinking of you, often tearing up...but it makes me feel a little bit better that there are other lonely souls out there like me. I still adore you. I hope you do too.
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