posted Saturday, June 15, 2013 at 12:46am
That I'd go to check my phone and see a msg from you that goes a little something like "hey, hope you're doing good. I've been thinking about you lately and I'd like it if we could talk. I need to explain what happened and why I wanted us to be over. You deserve to know the truth, and I'm ready now". But knowing you, and how long it's already been (and that you have a girlfriend who "is amazing in a bunch of ways) I won't get what I am asking for. It's hard to move on from scratch, but if I had something to base all of this around, better clarity and idea of who you really are I think it would be much easier to say "okay, I see now how it really was, boy was I sure naïve" and then just be okay finally. But this whole getting over you process is slowww and paiiiinful and ruining my days. Just open up and be honest please I'm so tired of feeling like I had the wrong idea about you but then second guessing myself and being like "wait, or was he actually a great guy and I'm just assuming the worst?" I have no idea. But then I ask, what's the point anymore? It doesn't even matter. Won't change anything. I'd never be with you again so why do I want this admission from you? Something in my heart keeps telling me I need it. I wish I was stronger. Is it normal that I feel this way or would most mentally healthy people be like "go fuck yourself I don't need shit from you, your loss"???