posted Wednesday, June 12, 2013 at 11:58pm
i used to be happy. It didn't matter to me that I had moved away from my lifelong friends, my family that I'm really close to, left my job to go to something even less fulfilling, had barely any money to get by. None of that phased me, that's how happy I was being with you and trying to start my life over again. I had a beautiful vision of what could have been, and what I felt we were striving for. Somewhere along our many years together things just started to go downward and we didn't fix it. Now I have this fear. An idea built into my head that I was never good enough. I didn't look and act a certain way nor had I ever would have "fit in" with your friends. But I was me and was quite happy thinking you had loved me for who I was. But now I just see myself as this young girl who is totally immature, unsure of how she feels, never follows through with what she says and won't really amount to much. I loved me for who I was but I feel like I can't now, because the person I loved...didn't. I second guess myself all the time. I used to be for sure. I put myself down because I don't have a career, I don't have a perfect nose or perfect teeth and I smoke and swear and act like a teenager when I drink. I can be pretty annoying at times and other times I'm dramatic and extremely emotional. My feelings never used to get hurt that easily but now, I could cry if you told me how tired I really do look. I know I'm not as great as everyone thinks I am. Most people on the surface only see a small part of me, but you saw everything, and guess what, you're gone.