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Reading Rainbow-sort of

I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life. Typically, I coped with it by watching so much television that I’d go numb. However(!), this time around I have resorted to reading fiction. I feel crappy for not doing anything but then again—I am reading. And when I’m reading I’m happy, I think. I hope. Now if only I could sleep at night instead of sleeping all day.

Oh man

that was some exciting sports ball. The one team really sported so hard, but not as hard as the other team. Incredible sports ball kicks!

See Ya Later, Vancity...

Actually, I won't. I'm done with everything, from Trudy to high prices to snow/rain. After being in Thailand for a couple months, I came back here for Christmas and to get rid of everything and am moving there. Rented a very nice apartment with pool etc for $200 a month, will be paying 30% income tax. Health care is dirt cheap,along with everything else. Can stuff myself with excellent food for $2 or $3. Will find a place in Phuket in a few months,and live out my life in luxury and enjoyment as opposed to struggling to get by in Vancity. Good luck, Best Place On Earth gang.

The testosterone salesman

There's a guy I know who keeps telling people they should take testosterone. He's far too young to need it, I'm twenty years older than him and I definitely don't need it. He gives free advice on how to pick up women, also unnecessary but when tipsy tells how he has problems getting it up. This guy will sleep with anyone and I've never seen him with a woman isn't on the chunky side, interesting or attractive. He told me once that he lies in bed thinking of who he can beat up, which is funny because he's vertically challenged and the last guy he got into a scuffle with was an old Chinese man, who is a great guy, testosterone boy went into his place of business to tell him how it is, the ruby kicked the guy who's almost seventy. Wow, just wow. That's real machismo. I confess, he's just an ahole

Resolution

I don't normally ae resolutions, but it is evident that I need to stop hoping and believing that the people who tell me I'm "like family" to them and that they love me will ever step up over the holidays and think of me. Another holiday season and not a single invite to anything or a card, though I send them cards and offer to host things. I have no family, parents are dead. No siblings, no cousins or aunts or uncles. They all no this and know I'm on my own. I know that the last two years, we had resttirctions.....so I'm not counting the last two years. Next holiday season (starting with Thanksgiving), I'm just going to focus on making myself feel happy, wanted and festive.

Cancel Culture 101

In the 00's I worked for a resort in the Caribbean. Ellen Degeneres was a trailblazer who had a tour outfit for women only. As a male, my view was that the amount of aging women who could suddenly be free was one of the most inclusive beautiful things I've ever seen. When cancel culture came for her, I thought it was silly, but wasn't my fight. When her inclusive long time DJ committed suicide this last week, all I can ask myself, is what do people think when they go for cancel culture. People are effected and as history has shown, it's not often the person people try to cancel. It's all the other people. Online rhetoric causes this. If you have nothing nice to say, stay offline.

2023 resolutions

I hope journalism across the news gets better. I work in retail, and in the real world, empathy for street crime has dramatically changed over the year. As we come out of the pandemic and as people move on, people are no longer just standing by while people steal stuff and overdose in bathrooms. But when I go home and read the news, it's all the same, it reads like journalists are still in 2020. When online power held more power. None of what I read through the news aspect of online really relates to the changing mood. Over the last few weeks, the warming centres were open where I live, only sparsely though. They can not get providers to work, only bright orange security people. If journalists were more honest about change in 2023, it would be a lot better for everyone. But likely not. Stuck in 2020 forever.

rifles and tea

i went on a summer vacation with someone i thought i knew. you know how they say when you travel with someone you really get to know them? i want to tell you how insane you are. i want to tell you that you have really fat thighs and cold dead eyes. I want to tell you fucked up your kid and you are unhealthily obsessed with anything that helps you escape from the realities of your disillusioned life but you wont speak to me because you know i know how lost you are.

Somatic

After hearing the details of a past accident and having to talk about what happened years ago, it felt like all of the bones in my neck shifted. Tears began flowing down my face unexpectedly. Since then the pain from the accident has returned and I’m not sure what to think or do.

I SAW YOU

Happy Day Cafe on Kingsway

You were sitting by yourself & you ordered a few Curry Fish Balls and a few deep-fried Spring...

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