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selfie

I just asked my girlfriend to send me a selfie wearing the lingerie that I bought her. I hope my wife doesn't find out

Back on the market

My most recent relationship has ended as it usually does - amicably. The thought of having to go back online and find someone new to date makes me ill. I just went onto POF to see who is on there. Lots of potentials but I can't do it. I met my most recent ex online and it was gamechanging. I honestly don't think lightning will strike twice. Time to brush up on my mingling skills. Ugh.

Passive-aggression sucks!

I'm sorry, but to all you folks out there who let your minds stew in over-thinking but never say a damn thing to those who care enough to worry about you or genuinely want to help you, PLEASE STOP it. Passive-aggression sucks for those of us on the receiving end and the mixed signals that often go along with it hurt. Furthermore, learn how to talk to people in person. I'm sorry but text messages, e-mail messages, and Social Media just don't cut it when it comes to effective, emotional communication. I'd rather be told 'I hate you' or 'this ain't working', etc. to my face than be shrugged off over a cellular device/iWhatever. Forgive me to those reading this, I guess just feel uber let down by someone who I never would have thought would do what she did to me, and the aftermath of it rather painful. For all it's worth, it's far more cutting to be cut over an SMS or Facebook than it is to just talk things out/be let go face-to-face. Very agonizing; leaves me feeling more regret than I should.

Memoir

I was on top of him and he tried to spank my ass but missed and hit his jewels instead. We both had a good a laugh...

Love

I am absolutely head over heels in love with my husband. I am the luckiest girl in this whole city!!!

Anxiety Bites

I envy those who don't experience anxiety. It's like this engine that overrides your rational thinking. The majority of the time I am able to just internalize it because I am aware that it is taking over but I cannot bear myself when it hinders my ability to deal with situations. It really sucks when I fixate on minor problems that I know I have the ability to deal with and have the answers to. It is like a little battle that goes on inside my mind and the struggle is exhausting at times. I come upon a dilemma and I begin this mission to fix it and get things back to normal. It's when the problem gets solved that I replay how my mind traveled and I either laugh at myself for being so ridiculous or I feel ashamed of myself. I wish I had more people in my life that could positively influence this trait of mine but I know that I would just drive them bonkers if I actually expressed my thoughts out loud so I just deal with it on the inside. It's my problem in the end and it is embarrassing because most of the time I am so easy going. This problem of mine stands out like a sore thumb to me. See? I have anxiety about my anxiety!!!!

Ashamed

Ashamed I got played even though I saw it coming. I let it happen because I wanted to trust that it wouldn't. Moral? Trust your instinct, not the psychobabble in your mind telling you that you are over-reacting.

BP Sorry.

Everytime I shift from a mixed state or manic phase I look back in horror at my hostile behavior especially when sharing the road with cars. This summer has has been extremely brutal. I cycle as a means to discharge as much energy as possible but when a poor driver puts me in danger my anger is amplified in fact it is so intense I can not fight the impulsiveness to let it out. It feels completely irrational but it takes a lot strength to prevent myself from becoming uncontrollably violent. I can't believe I can stop myself when near this point. However, if a reckless driver places me in true danger I react with an explosion of rage driven behaviour. Yet this is common amongst male cyclist who could have potentially died. I've haven't assaulted anyone yet but I have definitely damaged their vehicles. I just can't flight anymore especially when in hypomanic rage. Mania rarely means euphoria for me. I am sorry to all the people who I have over reacted upon or have tried to pick fights with for no reason or delusional reasons. Impulsivity is a bitch. I am not sorry to the drivers who have no fucking clue how to share the roadway with cyclists. We do not have the protection you have. Think safety or you will meet a blood thirsty lion who will try anything to fuck you up. Anyway, I have been working hard at obtaining as many tools as I can. Right now I can even relate to my actions but I still have to take responsibility for my actions even when not in control because people just see me as an asshole not knowing how my behaviour is related to my illness. It's a great opportunity to rid myself of the shame and educate others of the severity of Bipolar. Even within the Mental Health system I have faced stigma with the assumption that this is who I really am. Anytime you witness an individual acting irrationally it is because they have Mental Health issues, and for many, compounded by substance abuse. I'm clean but It was a painful journey. All I ask is that you find it in your heart to have compassion for people like myself. If you encounter a person, like myself, in an irrational state... just leave them alone. They are still a person. When sick we are fucked up but when stability hits us we are kind, compassionate and want people in our lives. I've lost so much because people don't always understand. Like I said... I'm sorry.

Time to take control of my finances

My parents always paid off their credit card bills, every month. My mom was horrified to find out that I leave a balance on my card. I don't pay the minimum - I pay as much as I can (usually around $600 to $1000) but the adage is true: the more money you make, the more you spend. I looked at my credit card statement when I got back from holidays thinking, "I didn't spend that much when I was away." I didn't. But I sure spent a lot leading up to it. My balance was higher than it has ever been - $8900. I almost threw up, I was so disgusted with how bad it had gotten. So, I did the only thing I could do. I put away my credit card, paid off my balance using my lower-interest line of credit and i'm going to live on cash only until I pay my line of credit off. It'll take me until the summer, but it has to be done. And in case you were wondering, I buy things to make me feel better about my life. Except, I never feel any better and the debt makes me feel worse. The cycle stops now.

for my own good

my spouse criticizes me each and every day, for my own good there isn't a day that I don't get called names and criticized every day for eight years, for my own good is driving me batty.

Distractions

My boyfriend is wonderful and handsome and has so many amazing qualities that make me so happy. One though is driving me crazy. On his downtime if he's not doing anything else he is either playing games on the computer or looking at websites that are just stupid facts or top lists. He knows i hate this but it what he does. I spend all my free time planning our holiday or lives and he is just happy to go along with it all and never takes initiative to do it himself. It's so disappointing. He is just lazy and there is no other word for it. So i have the PERFECT man BUT there is this is a HUGE thing. UGH! I know everyone has their faults but i'm not sure how i'm going to get over this one. If i ask him to do something he'll do it though. So thats good. My god i have to get over this!

Everyone knows

Everyone knows that you're cheating on your boyfriend. The fact that you've done it with two different men from your office is disgusting.

Less Money = More Problems

Earlier this year a friend took money out of his then-fiancee's purse to buy coffee and chocolate bars on two separate occasions. The couple have had debt problems for as long as I've known them, so I was quite shocked when I saw this take place. Granted, I didn't stop him, but it left me with unresolved feelings as I was actually closer friends with her and she has been stressed about money for at least a decade. I know she would be extremely mad if she found out. Should I tell her?

Another Sat night (Sam Cooke, Cat Stevens)

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody I got some money 'cause i just got paid How I wish I had someone to talk to I'm in an awful way Anyone remember this song? This pretty much sums up my usual weekend. I don't feel that awful, just thinking that after working at a hard job during the week, it would be nice to do something fun on the weekend once in awhile!

I SAW YOU

Starbucks Mariner&Bromley

I stopped seeing you when you abruptly stopped working there. ...

BLOGRA

September to bring increased bus frequency...

September 7 will bring service changes to Lower Mainland buses.

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