Need something to do this weekend? Here are five Greater Vancouver pumpkin patches worth getting in the SUV for.

Westham Island Herb Farm, 4690 Kirkland Road, Delta 

Ever noticed that Delta has its own microclimate? The sky is bigger and decidedly bluer the further you travel south of the Fraser River, a phenomenon that’s worth thinking about when choosing where exactly to take your Halloweenies for their annual back-breaking tromp through endless fields of mud in search of the perfect you-know-what. Established in 1994, Westham Island Herb Farm’s owners also know well enough to give you a wheelbarrow on the way in, and a properly rustic little general store for all the healing balms, unguents, and other salves you’ll need after you’ve carted around your 100-pounder on the way out. Nature is your friend at Westham Island; once the kids run screaming from its rather excellent haunted barn, the warm embrace of the sun will simultaneously comfort and remind them of the vital role played by human sacrifice in an abundant harvest.

Richmond Country Farms, 12900 Steveston Highway, Richmond

Even though it's turned into a tasteless excuse for folks to dress up as famous serial killers, human sanitary napkins, and Anne Coulter, Halloween season is supposed to be for kids. Those with children of the diaper-dumping age won't find better family entertainment than Richmond Country Farms. Because you don't have to drive to the bowels of B.C. to get there, getting on-site takes some patience, especially on weekends. Expect impromptu traffic jams, a sometimes mammoth lineup to buy tickets, and a four-sailing wait for the hay-wagon ride. Once all that's out of the way, you get giant costumed mascots (Polly Pumpkin and Korny Corn), a gourd-fixated live band that kicks the shit out of the Wiggles, and, of course, a pumpkin patch. For those of us who are kid-free, half the fun is watching sleep-deprived parents ask themselves why they didn't just take their screaming, crying, and mud-splattered spawn to the Costco pumpkin bin like last year.

Willow View Farms, 288 McCallum Road, Abbotsford 

Known for their U-pick seasonal fruits, Willow View Farms has a pumpkin patch that is equally popular. Farmers here grow over 50 varieties of pumpkin that include giants weighing from 50 to 100 pounds and colourful carnival and red kuri squash, so take your pick. Enjoy the hayride to the patch at $2 per person on weekends, or opt to walk out there with old-style wagons during the week. There’s also a petting zoo at the barn with lots of fluffy animals—bunnies and chicks—that kids will love. Hungry? Grab a snack at the concession stand that serves popcorn, caramel apples, and apple-cider slushies.

Eagle Acres Dairy, 8301 252 Street, Langley 

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of pumpkins? Cows, of course. At least, that’s how it’ll be after you visit Langley’s Eagle Acres Dairy, formerly known as Aldor Acres. The family farm’s annual pumpkin patch offers all the usual pleasures of choosing your own blank orange canvas for jack-o’-lantern carving—as well as the fun of touring a small working dairy, complete with cow and calf feedings and a contingent of lambs, goats, and shepherd dogs. And you can bet the ice cream and chocolate milk will be memorably good.

Laity Pumpkin Patch, 21145 128 Avenue, Maple Ridge 

With its panoramic mountain views, Laity has one of the most picturesque settings of any patch in the region. But we love it because of its beyond-eclectic array of old-school attractions. Kids can check out teepees, a corn maze, and a barn full of bunnies, goats, and chickens when they're not searching for the perfect jack-o’-lantern. But what we love most is the warped, hand-painted fairy-tale trail—a trip through a forest where gnomes snuggle up with dinosaurs, Nemo, and Winnie the Pooh. Afterwards, kids can go milk a wooden cow. Grab a wheelbarrow on the way out, where you can pick from entire trailers full of weird and wonderful gourds, and stylin' white or blue-grey pumpkins.