Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets needs to downsize its overdeveloped creative muscle

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      Starring Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevigne. Rated PG.

      You know when you go to the beach during summer and there are those shirtless guys with incredible physiques who make you go, "Woah!", and then there are those shirtless guys with physiques who make you go, "Wo—" and then pause because they're overdeveloped in some parts but are disproportionately underdeveloped in other areas?

      Well, the top-heavy Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets unfortunately falls into the latter camp. While the film overexercises its imaginative muscle visually in dazzling ways, its characters and plot suffer from neglect and undernourishment. After all, with that much devotion to appearances, you know there's not going to be a lot going on under the surface.

      Take, for instance, the lead characters: Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevigne). While DeHaan has a future doing voicework for Keanu Reeves, neither he nor Delevigne have enough heft to sustain a blockbuster. Eye-rolling, gadget-happy, cocky, rank-defiant, bickering, smartass twentysomethings without much to lose don't make for much emotional investment. Anyone can just hop on a bus if they want to see that.

      Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets 

      Set in the 28th century, the pair are special ops assigned to protect their commander at a sprawling, gargantuan space station called Alpha where a fascinating and amusing array of beings from different planets cohabitate while exchanging information.

      It's an intriguing sci-fi take on multiculturalism. Yet some of the alien races are transparent in which real-life nationalities or ethnic groups they represent and, sadly, the film doesn't escape typecasting British actors as high-ranking characters.

      Upsetting the cosmic applecart, a strange force invades part of the space station, turning it toxic. The mysterious infection is anticipated to engulf the entire station within a short-time frame. As the lead characters race to stop the imminent calamity, they become quickly waylaid in a relentless series of misadventures that don't serve to advance the plot but offer filmmaker Luc Besson the opportunity to indulge in creative ADHD play.

      Like Besson's The Fifth Element, the film never really knows what it wants to be when it grows up—it's ultimately an overabundant hodge-podge of ideas that has only casual regard for consistency of tone or plot progression. There are also some surprisingly amateurish oversights, such as an awkward lack of character reactions during a monster attack scene or tepid dialogue (when Laureline becomes little more than a backseat driver, she yells out insights like "Be careful!"). 

      While the film is most successful when it becomes a living graphic novel, Besson repeatedly abandons that with ease, either slipping into cartoon silliness; innovative yet unnecessary sequences, such as a dance scene featuring Rihanna; or aspirations to become a thriller. With so much nuttiness, one thing's certain: this entire film (not just the soundtrack) is a surefire winner in the next Eurovision contest.   

      From a multi-level bazaar to spaceship-chase scenes, a lot of inspiration appears to be heavily drawn from Avatar and Star Wars movies, particularly The Empire Strikes Back. Yet despite the Hollywood influences, Besson's sci-fi films always manage to assert a European sensibility and offer fresh visual and conceptual takes on technology, such as goop-firing guns or a virtual shopping market. There are also some potentially thought-provoking ideas about cross-cultural relations and preconceptions but they're so overwhelmed by the visual frenzy that they become footnotes buried beneath all the action instead of explored as central concepts. 

      A shame then, as this could have potentially shown that sometimes beneath the impressive surface, there is something of substance. Instead, it's just another day at the beach.

      You can follow Craig Takeuchi on Twitter at @cinecraig or on Facebook.

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