American Reunion is all filler, no pie


Starring Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, and Eugene Levy. Rated 18A.

Oh, ew, is that Jason Biggs’s penis squashed under that transparent glass pot lid? Where’s a pie to stick that thing in when you need one? Except nobody remembered to invite any freshly baked dessert items in need of a semen filling to American Reunion, a revisit with all our friends from that horny high-school romp from 1999, American Pie. Okay, to be honest, some of us barely recall that movie. Maybe we were high. We’re just glad they remembered to invite Stifler and, duh, Stifler’s mom to this one.

Apparently, there have been other Pie sequels that we didn’t notice because we were busy watching reality TV, plus getting our doctorates. Here, everybody’s back for that classic, the 13-year high-school reunion, feeling old, uncool, but still horny. That includes dopey pie humper Jim (Biggs), married-with-kid-and-no-sex to former band geek Michelle (Alyson Hannigan); dopey jock Oz (Chris Klein), whose girlfriend (30 Rock’s Katrina Bowden) is so hot and fun, the script makes him fall for strange, stiff former love Heather (Mena Suvari, stiff and strange) again; and those other two dudes of the original virginal foursome who don’t matter.

The filmmakers make the guys have dull, earnest conversations with the girls (including poor Tara Reid), but we know they really want to get to the naked tits, blowjob jokes, and defecating in beer coolers. Speaking of that last bit, wild man Seann William Scott, playing former prick Stifler, saves this Reunion. Whenever he’s on-screen, things get funnier. And not everyone can pull off a good revenge dump.

Frankly, we’ve already forgotten most of the movie. We’re not exactly talking comedy transcendence, capiche? But we still like Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s lusty mom and Eugene Levy still scene-steals as Jim’s sexually frank dad. Incidentally, guys, if you’re an early pearly in the sack, Mr. Levenstein suggests a well-placed thumb will help.

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