Starring Sid Haig, Mehcad Brooks, and Serinda Swan. Rated 14A.

With the plethora of fright flicks currently in theatres, it’s definitely a good time to be a horror fan. The list includes Final Destination 5, Apollo 18, Shark Night 3D, and Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, so there’s pretty much something for everybody. And with the addition of Creature, now there’s something for nobody.

In this inept time waster, six young friends on a road trip to New Orleans take a “shortcut” that puts them deep into bayou country, where they come upon a gas station/general store inhabited by a trio of local yokels, including the freaky-looking Chopper (Rob Zombie fave Sid Haig, the movie’s sole highlight).

The tourist trap is all out of gas but boasts a shrine to a fabled critter named Lockjaw that supposedly roams the adjacent swamp. “That’s a southern-fried version of Bigfoot,” quips ex–Navy SEAL Niles (Mehcad Brooks). “Every backwoods town has one.” Chopper invites the travellers to visit a nearby site connected to the Lockjaw myth, and while smart-ass Oscar (Dillon Casey) drives them there, he tells the unlikely tale of an inbred hillbilly named Grimley who—after tracking down and killing the white alligator that took his pregnant sister/wife—transformed into the titular beastie.

The rest of the film is all about the girls taking off their tops and getting tied up while the guys get chased around by a dude in a hokey alligator suit and monster mask. There’s one sequence where Niles takes a rifle shot to the knee and goes down, then minutes later he is seen sprinting through the woods, his wound having magically disappeared. That’s pretty inexcusable, but just wait until the climactic sinkhole scene.

Watch the trailer for Creature.