Playing For Keeps is all about the eye candy

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      Starring Gerard Butler, Jessica Biel, and Dennis Quaid. Rated PG.

      Everyone wants to have sex with Gerard Butler. This is because he has a sexy Scottish accent, sexy blue eyes, a sexy chest, and… Okay. Sorry. Actually, in Playing for Keeps, pretty much everyone wants to make it with his character, George. This movie is positively tingly with lust for George because George is an ex-playboy soccer star with a sexy Scottish accent, sexy blue eyes, and… Is the camera lens fogging up? How did they concentrate long enough to even make this movie?

      George has just moved to Virginia. George, did you know there was a shortage of sexy ex-playboy Scotch soccer stars there? No, he wants to be near his adorable son, Lewis (Noah Lomax), and his ex-wife, Stacie (Jessica Biel). Stacie used to vacation with George on a lake in Italy. Now she is about to marry an unsexy, non-Scottish, non–ex-playboy. Stacie!

      George begins coaching Lewis’s soccer team. Hello. Even the soccer dads look orgasmic watching George. Speaking of which, Dennis Quaid plays a crazy, rich soccer dad, and he’s not the only “face” here. Uma Thurman plays his wife; Catherine Zeta-Jones plays a former sportscaster; and Judy Greer plays a divorcée. They’re all horny soccer moms. Why is everyone in this movie? Oh, right.

      Everyone jumps George, but it’s all weirdly likable. (Well, some actors are going to be embarrassed later.) This movie is so laid-back and good-natured, and Butler is so… Scottish, that it will not be denied. Its director, Gabriele Muccino, made The Pursuit of Happyness and Seven Pounds. Apparently, it was time for an inconsequential romantic comedy about a guy who once got “more ass than a toilet seat”. Um, that’s still happening.

      Stacie must decide: never debauched, not-so-aging ex-playboy or ex-debauched, aging ex-playboy? Look at those eyes. Go to him!

      Watch the trailer for Playing for Keeps.