Mary J Blige
A Mary Christmas

At what point did the world decide that R & B should be more horrifically glossy than Mr. Clean’s head? A Mary Christmas drowns everything it touches in 16 layers of industrial-grade syrup, with Mary J Blige’s voice so over-processed it doesn’t seem like it’s coming from a real human being. If the last people you want at your Christmas party are lunatics like James Brown, Aretha Franklin, and Ray Charles, this collection of completely sanitized “soul” is guaranteed to get no one moving. Except for your guests, who will be desperate to get out the fucking door so they can wash their ears out in the car with A Christmas Gift for You From Phil Spector.