As the final days of 2015 slip away, it’s officially time to reflect on the stories from the year that just was. Which is another way of saying that, beyond the successful rehabilitation of former world-class puke Justin Bieber, there’s sweet fuck-all going on in the world of music in the week leading up to Christmas.

What was considered big news over the past 12 months often depended on where you live. If, for example, you happen to reside in the hipster paradise where everything looks better when you put a bird on it, Neko Case storming off a Portland stage after someone wouldn’t put their cellphone away was the undisputed story of the year. At least according to OregonLive.com.

Sorry, good people of the Rose City, but if that’s the best you can do, Bellingham just lapped you as the Pacific Northwest’s cool capital.

Axl Rose and Slash finally kissing and making up was great news, if only because it raises the possibility of an entirely new generation getting the chance to see William Bruce Bailey one day fly off the stage in a feather boa and nut-hugging white biker shorts. And the operative word is fly—if you’re one of the many who only know the Buckethead years of Guns N’ Roses, you really need to YouTube the band’s 1991 stand in St. Louis.

Kanye West earned a fresh round of buffoon points by suggesting that Beck—much like Taylor Swift—had won some major award he didn’t deserve. At least West got what he deserved with Kim Kardashian.

Scott Weiland finally made good on his three-decade attempt to kill himself, although, based on video footage of him “performing” “Vasoline” in Corpus Christi in April, he might actually have died sometime in the middle of the ’00s. Sadly, The Walking Dead isn’t the only place you’ll get to watch real-life zombies.

Kendrick Lamar was nominated for 11 Grammy Awards, which would have been cool except for the fact the world stopped giving a shit about the Grammys when Steely Dan beat out Beck, Radiohead, and Eminem for best album in 2001.

North Vancouver housewives joined Grimsby housewives, Hong Kong housewives, and sensitive husbands of housewives around the planet in making Adele’s 25 the undisputed queen of the charts in 2015. Even Kate Hudson selfied herself crying to “Hello”.

According to industry watchdogs, CD sales have never been deeper in the shitter. Thank the sweet baby Jesus for the housewives of the world, not to mention Adele for finally giving them a reason to pop John Mayer’s Paradise Valley out of the Discman.

More unexpected was that everyone—including, unbelievably, Seth Rogen—suddenly loves the Beebs again, with his comeback record, Purpose, spawning three No. 1 hits and a shitload of gushing accolades. In some ways it’s completely life-affirming that you can act like a complete flaming asshole for a half-decade and then have everyone on the planet forgive you, including that janitor whose mop bucket you pissed in. The downside is that you have to be Justin Bieber.

The only story that really mattered in 2015 was the ongoing world domination of EDM. How big is the genre that 99 out of 100 guitar-rock fans don’t get? Well, let’s just say that if you were at the Pemberton Music Festival this past summer, there was zero reason to leave the Bass Camp tent unless you were of the opinion that the party needed to stop.

On the Vancouver-loves-EDM front, this Saturday and Sunday (December 26 and 27) the biggest concert event of the year takes place at B.C. Place. And, sorry, it’s not the return of AC/DC, U2, the Rolling Stones, or the Who. Instead, get ready for the Contact Winter Music Festival, where bass drops will rule, fans will do their best to avoid strobe-light-induced seizures, and Above & Beyond will rip the retractable roof off the place, even though their mothers couldn’t pick them out of a police lineup.

Think about that for a second: Contact taking place not one, but two nights in the city’s biggest music venue. It makes perfect sense: if you want to start a party in 2015, you reach for Galantis’s “Peanut Butter Jelly”, not the fucking Foo Fighters.

And the unstoppable force that is EDM is the story of the year. Until, of course, Paul McCartney cashes in on the Christmas season by announcing his own chain of factory-farm-fresh turkey slaughterhouses.