The Sound of Silence
A new study shows that over half of vinyl buyers never listen to the records they purchase, and seven percent don’t own a turntable. Presumably, they only listen to music downloaded illegally from the Pirate Bay.

Penicillin Pop
Members of Color Me Badd told Entertainment Weekly that they’re on the I Love the ’90s tour to “show people that we still got it”. Given that the also-ran boy band is best remembered for “I Wanna Sex You Up”, we’re guessing the “it” in question is gonorrhea.

Dogg Bites
Snoop Dogg has declared Canada to be a country where it’s okay to do heroin in Vancouver alleyways, but where border guards are “motherfuckers” who never pass up the chance to harass him. In other news, it will probably rain this November.

Batter Up
Jack White is now making baseball bats, thanks to his partnership in Warstic sporting goods. Jason Stollsteimer of the Von Bondies, meanwhile, has decided to enter the witness protection program.