Various Artists
A Christmas Story: The Musical

Amazingly, some things in the world are more hideous and objectionable than Scut Farkus, not to mention his toadie Grover Dill. Ranking right up there is this soundtrack to the musical version of the holiday classic that brought us pink bunny suits, Red Ryder BB Guns, and leg-shaped lamps that are famously fra-jee-lay. Do we really need song-and-dance versions of A Christmas Story dialogue when the real thing is already pretty much perfect? And if we do, why didn’t somebody at least have the brains to write a song titled “Ohhhhh, Fuuuudge”? Those are perfectly legitimate questions, and they are not going to be answered by a bunch of campy Broadway show tunes that remind you why, nine times out of 10, you’d rather get herpes from Rush Limbaugh than spend a night watching live musical theatre.