Payback Time could come to an end to allow more kicks to the balls
You force the music section to act as Courtney Love’s lawyer, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two tickets to a Live Nation club show of your choice taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here’s this week’s winning whine.
Dear Payback: Look, nobody’s writing into this thing because it’s a lousy idea. I feel like every second time I notice this column, there’s a pandering message asking people to write in. Nobody wants to write in because nobody wants to start an argument with a “last word” freak! Just write a review. If it gets a response, just publish the response. The end! Seriously—just end this thing. Or be the bigger reviewer and shut up after you publish a piece. You have the power to write a review. The reader has the power to write a response. Be the bigger reviewer and leave it at that. Keep whatever free CDs/tickets you got dropped on your desk this week. Whatever schwag you can offer is not worth the “nuh-uh!” that follows what should be a rhetorical response from your readers. Please. Seriously, just end this thing.
> Luke Palka
Mike Usinger responds: Dearest Luke—you are right. Maybe it’s time to end this thing. After all, I’d make my own life a lot easier by not having to spend hours fixing the questionable grammar of those who do take the time to write in, as opposed to dealing with professional trolls with made-up names on Straight.com. (You, meanwhile, can thank me later for editing your original letter so that it no longer contains lines like “Big the bigger reviewer…”). And you are right—why in the hell should we get the last word? When someone kicks us in the balls for crapping all over, say, Britney Spears or the Stone Temple Toilets, there’s no reason why we should attempt to explain where we were coming from. Instead, we should just spread our legs a little wider and take as many shots in the nutty buddies as we can, all the while screaming “Thank you, sir, may I have another!!!!!” You’ve made me see the light. From now on, Luke, I am just going to write the review. But before I finally end this thing, I have one small point that I’d like to argue…
You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.