Pet project pre-occupied reviewer from the doggone Rammstein show

Comments4

You get your Shih Tzu to dump on the music section’s front lawn, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two tickets to a LiveNation club show of your choosing. Here’s this week’s winning whinge.

Dear Payback Time: I am writing to you not because of a concert review but because of a lack of one. Rammstein at Rogers Arena on May 13 was one of the most-talked about concerts of the year, yet not a peep in your paper afterward, even though there was a full page ad for the concert and a preview beforehand. All the songs may have been in German but the main reason to see them was their stage presence and entrance (through the crowd). There was enough pyro and fire to put all of B.C. Hydro’s Smart Meters on alert. I took my mom (it was Mother’s Day, after all), sister, and girlfriend, and all of them said it was the best concert they have ever seen. Yet you couldn’t send one person to write about it —or did you, and he/she was so blown away they couldn’t put it to paper?

> Dion Bellay

John Lucas replies: Dearest Dion: When we preview an artist, we generally don’t then review that artist’s concert. We only have so much space in the paper, and we try to cover as much of what’s happening as we can. There isn’t any more to it than that.

I’m really glad you enjoyed the Rammstein concert. I would have gone, but I was otherwise occupied. I have this hobby, you see. You might call it a pet project, although admittedly it involves other people’s pets. I re-create scenes from classic novels and films, only my cast is composed entirely of miniature schnauzers. Last month it was Mansfield Bark. It’s pretty time-consuming making tiny, four-legged costumes with authentic period detailing and building canine-scaled sets, you know.

Actually, I am starting to regret not attending the Rammstein show. I might have learned something. Those guys know a lot about keeping pyrotechnics from going horribly wrong. I could have used that know-how when I was filming the burning of Muttlanta for my Doggone With the Wind project. Long story short: no one was hurt, but the colonial-style doghouse I was using as Tara didn’t survive my accidental implementation of the Union Army’s scorched-earth policy.

I wasn’t so lucky when I filmed the big flood scene from Michael Curtiz’s Noah’s Ark. (Which I cleverly retitled Noah’s Bark. Get it? Hey, I’m running out of dog puns; give me a break.) How was I supposed to know those dogs wouldn’t be smart enough to keep their life jackets on? We lost a lot of good schnauzers that day, Dion. A lot of good schnauzers.

You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an email to payback@straight.com.

Comments (4) Add New Comment
Kelli
Wow, John Lucas seems a little too wrapped up in himself to actually give a crap about reviewing probably the best concert of the year. Too bad because there are a lot of fans out here who saw the show. My review on John is he is not that good at his job.
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Fiara
wow, I call this an idiot exposing himself. prefers sewing doggie costumes over attending the best rock show in decades. well, have fun with your stupid dogs then.
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John Lucas
@Fiara When you watch The Simpsons, do you ever find yourself wondering where the producers found all those funny-looking people with yellow skin?
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CanadianLynx
I too was at the Rammstein show - with my son and DIL (both 30). It is too bad the Straight didn't review what my son stated was 'the most awesome stage show he had ever seen!!' - and he isn't really a fan (I am, and what a GREAT Mother's Day - way better than any silly buffet!) so I trust his opinion. We were halfway back and could feel the heat - we left the show lightly roasted on one side with big smiles on!

Nonetheless, in his response I think John was merely trying to deflect with humour the inability of the paper to print a review. For your next project may I suggest you try filming a history of Barkerville?
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