Unsuspecting pop music fan outraged by pop music concert
You force the music section to take Lisa Jean Helps to a Milli Vanilli reunion tour, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two tickets to a Live Nation club show of your choosing. Here’s this week’s winning whine.
Dear Payback Time: I have to ask you after that asinine review of Nicki Minaj: what show were you at? Did you just read her press release and then write the review? Didn’t you show up? Because that’s sure as hell what Ms. Minaj did! Thirty-two minutes of a 70-minute show and Nicki Minaj not on-stage?! The most touching moment of the entire show was when the kids (because that’s what the audience was made up of) were singing along to “Marilyn Monroe” and chanting for her with their iPhones lit, and she couldn’t be bothered to come out to actually sing to that prerecorded track. It wasn’t even a spectacle, it was a 70-minute music video that sounded like MTV circa 1992.
As for this: “Minaj bounced around the stage, smiling, coiling her body, and hollering into her pink-crystal-encrusted microphone. She blasted through hits like ‘Beez in the Trap’, ‘Did It on ’Em’, and ‘Right by My Side’ with precision, completely on her game”—what game? Is there a stoned-to-the-gills marathon I don’t know anything about?
Don’t encourage these kids to pay 100 or 150 bucks for that bullshit. That was a piss-poor excuse for any concert, let alone one by a pop-music “star”. Nickelback would have at least stayed on-stage. And when I’m comparing Nickelback FAVOURABLY to something, you know the comparison must have been beyond the pale.
> Lisa Jean Helps
Mish Way responds: Dearest Lisa—Yes, I was at the concert. In fact, I held a young girl’s high heels and purse for her when she ran to the front of the stage to get a closer look at Nicki Minaj. Every person around me was excited and having fun at the show with their friends. Isn’t that what concerts are supposed to be about? At least for me, they always have been.
I’m a musician. (I sing in a band called White Lung. Look us up.) I have grown up in the punk scene and toured around North America. I’ve spent the last seven years of my life going to shows in dirty basements and bars. I get the punk world, so perhaps the spectacle of a theatrical pop show was exciting to me.
Maybe you’re angry that you wasted $150 on this show and didn’t get what you wanted. But what were you expecting, exactly? It’s pop. We all know what pop is now. It’s a practised, staged event, like a play. It’s supposed to be fun! I encourage you to come and see my band. I promise there will be no 30-minute pauses or prerecorded tracks. I may throw a drink in your face, but, hey, that’s all a part of the show.
Voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an email to email@example.com.