Why Scott Weiland is truly worthless

When he finally does the world a favour and shuffles off to the rest home, Scott Weiland is going to get priority entry into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s Flaming Douchebag wing. In an industry filled with obnoxious asswipes, few are more self-deluded than the man who’s just announced he’s had enough of singing for Velvet Revolver.

Just how oblivious to his own worthlessness is Weiland? Well, somehow he got it in his head that the world has a boner for the reunion of the pitiful Stone Temple Pilots, who were to grunge what the Knack was to punk rock. Yes, STP is back together and ready to remind you why the ’90s sucked more than you might remember.

For the moment, though, the headlines are all about Weiland having a queen-sized hissy fit last week while on-stage with VR in Glasgow, Scotland. In a performance that would have embarrassed Naomi Campbell, the rehab frequent flier told a sold-out crowd that they were witnessing “something special.”¦the last tour by Velvet Revolver”.

That, of course, wasn’t entirely accurate. What they were really witnessing was various members of Guns N’ Roses saddled with the biggest poseur in rock. Let’s face it—no one goes to see Velvet Revolver because they loved Weiland’s B-grade work with the Stone Temple Toilets. They go to get an in-the-flesh look at Slash and Duff McKagan, who, just like Keith Richards, prove they don’t make rock stars like they used to.

In fairness, it’s not like Weiland has no idea how to keep the unwashed masses entertained. As spectacles go, they don’t get much better than his 2007 Burbank, California, run-in with his long-suffering wife. Mrs. Stone Temple Toilet finished off a protracted domestic dispute by gathering up her husband’s clothes and starting an impromptu bonfire on the couple’s front lawn. This proved the Weilands are, despite their millions, white trash at heart. That at least gives them something in common with Velvet Revolver’s fans.

As detestable as Weiland is, you can’t blame him for wanting out of VR, a so-called supergroup so lacking in chemistry it makes Audioslave seem like a good idea. It’s well documented that the band is divided into two camps. In one dressing room, you find Slash, McKagan, drummer Matt Sorum, and guitarist Dave Kushner; in the other, there’s no one but Weiland, which is understandable: unless you make your living dealing outside the Carnegie Centre, you wouldn’t want to be around him either.

After throwing down the mike mid-performance in Glasgow and stomping off-stage, Weiland reportedly returned for a petulant performance of “It’s So Easy”. His next move was a blog attack on Sorum, suggesting that the drummer is too immature to have a real relationship or kids (the implication being he’ll never know the joy of roasting marshmallows over burning clothes with them). Continuing on the low road, he then dredged up Sorum’s latest rehab stint, and added a swipe about how he was a career hired gun until Velvet Revolver. The latter might be true, but at least he never fronted a faux-grunge band so atrocious that it was publicly mocked by Pavement.

The one good thing that’s come out of all of this—besides the promise of never having to suffer through another Velvet Revolver record—is that Slash and McKagan look like free agents again. Hopefully, somewhere in Los Angeles, a bloated Axl Rose is thinking it’s time to stop dicking around with Chinese Democracy.

After all, he’s got a score to settle with Weiland, who last year took a shot at him as a “fat, Botox-faced, wig-wearin’ fuck”. Surely Rose is aware that revenge is a dish best served cold. What better way to prove that Weiland is a fraud than reuniting with G N’ R and showing him what a real on-stage hissy fit looks like. May we suggest that the tour kick off in St. Louis, where concert organizers could give Mr. Stone Temple Toilet a video camera and a seat in the front row. If he asks extra-nicely, he can even bring his bullhorn.

Comments (16) Add New Comment
big serge
Wow. I haven't seen such vitriol from Mike since he ragged on Radiohead for having the audacity to release a digital copy of their most recent album before a CD. What he let slip in that story was the source of his dislike for Radiohead was actually the fact that they didn't give him their sole undivided loving attention during an interview that took place years ago. Evidently Mike never lets go of a rock n roll grudge. Which leads me to wonder - what perceived snub did Mike suffer at the hands of Weiland that led to this outburst? Please do fill us in.
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dragonbeauty
Love, love, love it. Usinger is one of the top reasons to read the Straight, period. God, that was funny. And painfully, painfully true.
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Mike Usinger
Don't tell anyone, but I actually love that Stone Temple Pilots song "Big Bang Baby". Other than that, the Stone Temple Pilots were to grunge what the Knack were to punk. A group that was sold to the public by the major labels as having street cred they didn't have. In this case, STP was supposedly made up of veterans of the San Diego punk scene, despite the fact that no one is San Diego every remembered playing shows with them. I saw them at the Town Pump when their record company had them on the road giving free showcases for the public. I don't remember anything about the show, not because I was drunk, but because they were so, well, unmemorable. Later i saw them get blown off the stage by the Butthole Surfers and fIREHOSE at the PNE. And eventually I got sick and tired of reading about Weiland taking whatever breaks the good lord Jesus Christ gave him and pissing them away.
How many trips to rehab must one man make to wise up? Or put it his way, if you're going to be a pathetic junkie fuck-up, at least go all out like GG Allin and make a spectacle of yourself. No one ever forgot a GG Allin show. Did I mention that I love "Big Bang Baby", even if I hate the v-neck sweater that Weiland wears in the video? As for your question of what they did to me, the answer is nothing. If anything, I supposed they made me laugh, but only when Pavement dissed them by name in "Range Life" and when Cop Shoot Cop referred to them one time in concert as the Stone Temple Toilets.
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John Lucas
I was at that PNE gig. I seem to recall that fIREHOSE couldn't make it across the border and a band made up of roadies and kids from the audience played instead. And then I think fIREHOSE showed up in time to play for about 10 minutes. But yeah, those 10 minutes still blew STP off the stage.
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NYGuitaristLP
I'm not sure why I'm even bothering commenting on this because the writer clearly just hated the 90's, but I will anyway. First off, I have a boner for the reunion of STP, and I'm not the only one. I think you'd fine more people excited about this than you'd think. I'd also like to say that I saw Velvet Revolver 3 times for obscene amounts of money each time just because I heard that they played a few STP songs and the crowd goes ape-shit the second the first chords of those songs are strummed. I also wore my Army Of Anyone shirt the last time I saw VR and got a few thumbs ups and "Hell yea!"'s. This would lead me to believe that you're a bit mistaken about the amount of people who still like STP and are excited about this reunion. I don't know what happened to make anyone think STP is an "atrocious" "faux-grunge band." I mean, are we denying the power and talent and fantastic vocal ability of Scott Weiland? How about the Deleo brothers? Robert Deleo is quite possibly one of the most underrated bass players of the past 2 decades. Tasteful, creative, and fuckin brilliant. Dean Deleo is also one of the most underrated guitarists of the past 2 decades and he runs CIRCLES around Slash. I mean, I'm a Slash fan and I respect that he is what he is and he knows it, but could he be any more generic? Listen to Dean's beautiful fuckin slide playing on Big Empty, solo on And So I Know, and straight up rock n roll sound on Trippin On A Hole In A Paper Heart. And there, I'm just talking about Dean's versatile guitar playing, but how about STP's SONGWRITING? What about the fuckin groove on Where The River Goes? The fuckin Beatles-esque style of I Got You? Interstate Love Song? That song is fuckin undeniable, I don't care if it was a hit. Too Cool Queenie? Big Bang Baby? Adhesive? Try LISTENING to this band...LISTEN to their fuckin albums and listen to how fuckin versatile they are, and how they fuckin evolved and the creativity involved and the pure fuckin brilliance of what they did and at LEAST respect it.
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Mike Usinger
And after you're finishing listening to those radio-friendly, watered-down alt-rock chestnuts, check out Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger, Alice in Chains' Dirt, Nirvana's In Utero, Helmet's In the Meantime, L7's Bricks Are Heavy, Mudhoney's Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge, the Screaming Trees' Sweet Oblivion, Hole's Live Through This and... well I could go on but I won't. All that said though, I'm glad that STP got you off. After all, at least they weren't as bad as Live.
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John Lucas
Well, it's official. Velvet Revolver has given Weiland the boot. Kicked him to the curb. Tossed his ass out.

The band has announced that former Soundgarden and Audioslave singer Chris Cornell will be taking Weiland's place.
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John Lucas
The bit about Cornell was my little April Fool's joke.
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iamfoo
does anyone remember that episode of the simpsons where they go to lollapalooza. at one point, while driving a carpool of children to school, homer is rocking out to grand funk railroad much to the chagrin and embarassment of bart and lisa. as they berate him, he comes to the realization that he has aged and become out of step.

i cannot wait for the time when the populist, post-grunge establishment finally suffers a horrible death much like the poisons and warrants did almost 2 decades ago. perhaps then stone temple pilots will become the butt of these jokes.

and, if history has taught us anything, nothing will really change. for then we will get to start complaining about atrocious, commercialized versions of oh, say the arcade fire.

which will be really entertaining for me when some jackass, maybe 8 years down the road, vigorously defends such a band over how underrated the french horn player is, how versatile the accordion player is, and how great the songwriting is over the merits of an ability to mimic bowie, which by then should be horribly cliched. (if it isn't already. either way, i'm not going to make that call. but if it is, just make that "MORE horribly cliched" if you prefer.)
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Monolithic
Looks like this Usinger didn't get much love from the parents growing up. Either that or he's chemically imbalanced. Sucks to be you doesn't it?

It sure doesn't suck to be Scott Weiland, or more accurately, the frontman of the band that's currently selling the most concert tickets according to Pollstar. Which also must mean (as much you'd hate to admit it) he's worth a lot and it's something you have trouble coming to terms with. In this case, it's a lot more money than your worthless bitter ass.

In any case, I'm glad you've at least come to terms with the fact that Weiland, or more specifically, STP will be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when the time comes. When it's all said and done it'll be a honorable way to thank one the true legends of real American rock 'n roll of the past two decades.

As for you, Usinger, I'd like to quote Mr. Weiland:
"Down you go, suffer long."
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Mike Usinger
Ahh, yes. It's truly all about the benjamins isn't it? Forget art-let's hear it for good old-fashioned commerce. If it's selling tickets, it must be good right? Using that as a yardstick, the Eagles, Bryan Adams, Michael Bolton, and Garth Brooks are truly where it's at. Those guys sell a lot of tickets, so therefore they rock. But not as much as the Stone Temple Toilets. Given the way the legengs of STT are performing on Pollstar, they are truly the only gods worth worshipping. I only hope they put out a new album so I can pick one up my next trip to WalMart, where I (and no doubt you) do all my record shopping.
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Daniel Jones
Mike Usinger is doing a job he doesn't belong in. Do some soul searching, travel, find out more about yourself and become the man you should be.

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Scottyg
Just saw Wieland deliver a perfect performance at the Commodore. Not sure what Mike Usinger's problem is, but a lot of it seems be rooted in a writing career that isn't going anywhere, and was lucky to get this far. Straight is in desperate need if they hire the likes of this teenage doper who spent the 90's popping zits instead of getting laid.
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Bruce Templedog
Mike- you are one clueless sac-0-sheet
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jenna
this piece is the reason i bow to usinger. acerbic wit.
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reed
Mike I understand your take on weiland - that he is more interested in the wealth and success of the "rock-star" aesthetic than the art and expression of music (which I noticed watching his flamboyant performance at a concert on vh1, his careless departure of v.r., and his christmas album), but I still enjoy his music. I think that regardless of his materialistic intentions wih his music career, his troubled youth (such as, supposedly, his molestation at age 12) affected the sound of stp (as cobain's past did for nirvana), giving them the grunge sound that most bands had at the time. I can look past weiland's faults because his music still sounds good to me. Chris cornell pretty much sold out, evidenced by his unnessecary presence in audioslave and his solo album with timbaland (a far cry from his previous work), but like weiland, cornell's music in soundgarden (and audioslave) I absolutely loved. Creed is a band that I think is a much more blatant example of commercial, materialistic rock music. I say this, because, although the music by itself isn't bad to listen to (like stp), they are quite obviously just a money-driven, muscle-bound version of pearl jam, that belts out mindless christian lyrics, then contradicts itself when scott stapp gets wasted on live television. Pearl jam, on the other hand is one of the few bands that has stayed true to the art and emotion in music, and has completely avoided the spotlight since their rise to fame 20 years ago. This is why I like that band and not only the music they play - unlike creed, a band whose questionable moral integrity I overlook to listen to. But the thing is, in modern society, many artists and bands in all genres play simply for wealth and achieving the "rock-star" aesthetic, not for individualism and the freedom of expression, so the best solution may be to try to look at the music first and the artist second. Not that you're missing out on a whole lot without stp, but after saying all this, if you can manage to set your hate of weiland aside, then adding stp into your playlist wouldn't be a bad idea
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