A few weeks ago, I was out shopping before my trip to Vancouver for some last-minute bits and pieces when I saw my friend’s mother. She stopped to say hi, and casually mentioned she had just gotten married this morning. My mind slowed in confusion. I wondered if I had totally missed her white wedding attire? Nope, no dress or anything white wedding-related at all.

In the brief one-minute conversation that ensued, I learned that she had just popped to the shops to make something nice for their dinner, to celebrate. This was a far cry from the typical Asian weddings I was used to, which usually leave a sizeable dent in the bank account. But what screamed out to me was the aspect of choice. They chose this, and more importantly they chose each other.

This is a freedom that is not afforded to many individuals across the world. Forced marriage is when a person is pressured, either physically or emotionally, to marry another against their will. This contrasts strikingly to an arranged marriage, though the two terms are often used interchangeably. The latter is where the parents suggest suitable matches and the person in question has the choice to accept or reject the proposed spouse.

Honour crimes such as forced marriage are shrouded in mystery and are highly taboo. They are silent underground crimes that take place. Most mistake it for being cultural, but forced marriage is not cultural. It is a form of abuse. Many may now be wondering why parents, the two people who are supposed to love you most in the world, would abuse their children in this way.

Reasons vary from seeing their children become “too western” and the desire to tame them, to “fixing” their sexuality. I interviewed a Canadian Pakistani woman, who was able to stand up against her family when they tried to force her into marrying a relative from Pakistan. She recounted the intense bouts of “emotional blackmail”—the threats that her mother would die from the pressure of the “shame” she had brought on the family. A particularly harrowing part of the story was the extent of her families’ involvement. She flinched as she described how her brother slapped and kicked her when he realized she was backing out of the match her parents had set.

This story is not unique. I have heard of countless forced marriages that have ended in extreme domestic violence, spousal rape, and even suicide. The ring that is usually a symbol of love and adoration becomes a shackle to an absolute stranger you are then expected to live with side by side. When I arrived in Vancouver, I started researching the prevalence of forced marriage in Canada. As hard as you may look, you will never get an exact figure. Would you admit to being married against your will if the perpetrators of this abuse were your parents? I couldn’t myself, despite having campaigned against this atrocity since I was 14.

You see, families from South Asian and Arab backgrounds that force their children to marry usually operate in an honour system, whereby the actions of one have the potential to taint and dishonour the entire family and women tend to be the gatekeepers of honour in such systems. Therefore, refusing to marry someone suggested by your parents could lead to the entire family being ostracized by the community.

But this is not the only reason. And forced marriage is not confined to a single community. This horrific form of abuse is cross-cultural and cross-religious, affecting men and women, from Indian Sikhs to Jehovah’s Witnesses. Increasingly, the prevalence of honour crimes such as forced marriage is being investigated. According to a study conducted by the South Asian Legal Clinic of Ontario, in a two-year period, 219 people reported being forced to marry against their will.

However, until more victims come forward, the full scale of this horrific abuse can never be uncovered. There is a quiet revolution that is occurring; in my native Britain, we are close to unveiling a day for Britain’s lost women, those who lost their lives in forced marriages and crimes of honour, such as Shafilea Ahmed and Banaz Mahmod. Internationally charities such as Plan are working towards ending child and early forced marriage for good. Education about such crimes is, as ever, the key to prevention. In our community every one knows someone who was “married off” but hardly anyone spoke up or supported them.

The revolution has begun—will you join and speak out for those silenced?