John Thomas: Leftist zombies steal Powell River municipal election

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      Ever wondered where leftist zombies (LZ)* go when they retire? Well, for the most part, the career of a LZ is not that financially rewarding—it’s basically taking a vow of poverty for the cause. So for an increasing number of LZs, the proximity to Vancouver, surprisingly affordable housing, and rumours of much sunshine make Powell River the retirement destination of choice.

      As for all new arrivals in a small town, it takes a little time to become part of the community. And with Powell River still being a largely working-class town, it takes a bit longer for the lonely new LZs to find like-minded arrivals. But as their circle of political soulmates has gradually expanded over the last number of years, they began to realize this isolated, ferry-dependant community is an almost perfect incubator in which to advance their heretofore thwarted political agenda.

      In order to neutralize the severity of their political ideology, they reinvented themselves as Powell River Voices (PRV), an informal group whose “long-term vision sees Powell River as a resilient community where the values of transparency, sustainability, and broad citizen participation prevail in civic governance”. I was ready to sign my bank account over to PRV the minute I read that vision statement! Honestly, I got weak in the knees. It was a brilliant move.

      To make a long story short for editorial purposes, early this year PRV decided to dive into preparations for the upcoming municipal election because they had a goal in mind—a majority left-wing council, something never before seen in Powell River. With the help of their cleverly constructed Community Values Survey, PRV managed to give residents the impression the values reflected in the survey were identical to the values of PRV.

      But LZs cannot change their spots no matter how hard they try. If PRV were truly the broad-based community group they make themselves out to be, they would have left it to the citizenry to digest the results of their survey and vote accordingly. But they didn’t, they couldn’t—the temptation to be the puppet masters was too great. PRV just could not resist making that irresistible shift from community advocate to political advocate, at the heart of which is the paternalistic view that voters cannot be trusted to make the “right” decision by themselves.

      To “assist” the voters with their decision, PRV produced two candidate reports which were widely distributed throughout the community. The incumbent report identified how each incumbent voted on a carefully selected list of issues. The votes of each councillor were rated as being “votes aligned with PRvoices values” or “NOT aligned with PRvoices values”, as if the values of PRV represent the values of the community as a whole.

      The new candidate report was not quite as politically blatant, though it is rumoured to have originally been drawn up the same way. Candidates were sent a very selective list of questions and their answers to extremely complex issues were posted as yes or no responses. The questions were so politically loaded that two of the candidates refused to answer the questions even though they were aware that not “playing the game” could cost them a significant number of votes. Neither were elected.

      And guess what? They pulled it off! PRV, with their predominantly LZ crew, skillfully disguised themselves as the impartial voice of the community, engineering one of the biggest ideological shifts on city council this town has ever seen. There is now a majority left-wing council in Powell River. Old leftist zombies don’t retire, they conspire!

      *Person so wedded to socialist ideology that no reason or logic can change their view of the world. Criticism of their views brings out a rage that effectively renders them a “zombie”, something that cannot be reasoned with, something that wants to destroy you. (Thanks to Captain Capitalism for the definition.)

      John Thomas is an old curmudgeon who lives somewhere in Powell River. He is thinking of changing his name to Zombie Woof.

      Comments

      20 Comments

      cosmicsync

      Dec 19, 2014 at 4:24pm

      Couldn't get past the first paragraph.

      Can someone tell me if this is supposed to be satire?

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      Papa Hemmorhoid

      Dec 19, 2014 at 9:30pm

      Whaaa...aaa....aaaaat.....the....heck...are you talkin' about?

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      poopmeister

      Dec 19, 2014 at 10:06pm

      you call yourself cosmicsync and you are asking if this is satire?

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      HA!

      Dec 19, 2014 at 10:20pm

      Nice one John!

      Having dealt with these LZ types in real life I fear for the future of Powell River, and will make sure to bring my pump-action shotgun next time I go there!

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      Desperado Godfather

      Dec 20, 2014 at 7:54am

      omg - an open to all survey of residents in a small town that got a large responses and an analysis of whether the incumbents and new candidates matched up to the views of the residents. Sounds extremely subversive. Almost like (gasp!) democracy. We can't allow that in our BC elections!

      Willful ignorance is not a good political strategy

      Dec 20, 2014 at 8:30am

      Ha ha ha. As someone who knows what went on in the recent election, I can say that this article is pure comedy bronze. Powell River was ready for change and voters expressed that very clearly at the polls. Also, the author of this piece fails to note that the mayor humiliated himself and his fellow BC Lib-affiliated councillors when he accused Powell River Voices of running a slate (not true) and then was compelled to acknowledge publicly that he himself was running a slate (the aforementioned Lib types). Close to the election date, sets of yellow posters started appearing around town, clearly linking two standing councillors and one incumbent with the mayor's slogan "Keep the momentum going." One of the councillors got the boot and the incumbent didn't do well. Public bungling doesn't usually pay off.

      It's certainly flattering to Powell River Voices to credit it and it alone with the recent election outcome. Of course it's pure hooey and smacks of the paternalistic attitude "that voters cannot be trusted to make the 'right' decision by themselves." Speaking as a LZ (I guess, although really nothing in this article has any objective meaning), it's also very heartening to see one's political opponents wallowing in ignorance and stupidity. If this is the level of political analysis we have to worry about, then we're going to clean up in 2018 too.

      BRAINS! BRAINS!!

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      cosmicsync

      Dec 20, 2014 at 8:53am

      Point taken, poopmeister.

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      Survey says....

      Dec 20, 2014 at 11:37am

      So you're basically calling most people in Bc. Zombies. I agree.

      Since zombies live on brains they will all decompose soon, there is a lack of grey matter in ol' BC.

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      innocent bystander

      Dec 20, 2014 at 12:58pm

      Dear Willful, "we are going to clean up in 2018 too" To what do you refer? Are you the leader of the Leftist Zombies? If you look at the number of votes the newly elected councillors got they are almost identical. The three new ones came in as a slate for sure. And the PRV survey was a very good piece of propaganda that fooled a few. But mostly you guys got your 2000 voters to come out and vote your 3 newbies in plus the incumbent. What I want to know now is how are your people going to save this dying town? As far as I can tell you're attacking one of only hopes it has.

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      Bemused

      Dec 20, 2014 at 1:57pm

      Dear innocent,

      What do you think "one of the only hopes it has" is? Do you mean the mill? What is the evidence that it will save the town?

      Or do you mean the potential growth of tourism (BC Ferries willing, and allowing that there will be some of the beauty left to attract them)?

      Or do you mean the influx of retirees, and businesses that may develop to serve their needs?

      It's not clear what will "save this dying town", but as one of the new councillors was a key player in developing an entireley new, and very successful, local business, it is not clear to me that there is a lack of acumen there. It even exports, thus bringing new money into the community. (Maybe that diet of brains is a good thing? <grin>)

      Perhaps the development of a diverse economy, developed through and encouraged by out-of-the-box thinking, would encourage well-being throughout the community.

      Left vs Right is such an uninteresting and thoughtless distinction. What about naming life-enhancing vs life-discouraging policies? If everyone in Powell River wants to see the community flourish, then make that the focus, and let go of petty differences. Working towards a common goal is a nice way to unite, rather than divide, the community.

      Elevating the political discourse above the level of high-school "he said, she said" bickering, letting old grudges go, and thinking about what you want to see, instead of focusing on what you don't want would be a great way to improve the mental and emotional climate.

      Perhaps it would be a "leftist" idea to think about enhancing the greater good, rather than the size of one's own piece of the pie. Or, perhaps it could be called "Christian". What do you think?

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