Make it go away.

I am a 25 year old male. Intelligent, attractive, travelled and philosophical. I can't have sex unless I'm completely wasted, and I break up every meaningful relationship before it becomes sexual, because I was raped and molested so badly as a child, that I can't be intimate with anyone unless I've numbed out all the pain. It's the explanation and secret that I'm never able to share with the people I break up with and hurt.

11 Comments

Post a Comment

This is unfortunate.

Feb 4, 2016 at 11:58am

I know it might be difficult, but you should talk to a therapist, or at least talk to someone. It's not fair that you should have to live your life like this, and I think talking out the issues might help you move on.

Even the women that you get into relationships with and start to feel close to I'm sure would be open to listening. I know if I cared for a guy and found out he had these issues I'd be open to hearing about them and helping him work through them.

0 0Rating: 0

Flex

Feb 4, 2016 at 1:47pm

You can make it go away.
I'm the same age as you buddy. I was not raped as a child, but I think some of us have experienced something traumatic as a child that closes us off and makes us fear love. I have never shared this with anyone, but I've had hundreds of sexual partners. It's such a blur, I don't remember have of them. I didn't know how to love any of them. I learned it's because I didn't know how to love myself. I feel like a lot of people who will read this will judge me for that... But you are being real with us, so I want to be real with you.
For so long I thought I wouldn't know how to love anyone. But I got help. You should too... It's not easy to reach out to someone, but being vulnerable is the first step. Let yourself heal man. This doesn't have to define you and every relationship.

0 0Rating: 0

Anonymous

Feb 4, 2016 at 2:19pm

The abuse you endured and dealing with the aftermath sounds really painful. Although it may not go away entirely I do believe there are ways of healing trauma. It will always be something that has shaped your life. When I experienced trauma I found counselling to be helpful and also explored as many different ways to heal my emotional wounds (meditation, exercise, alternative healers, music and sometimes just coping and turning my mind off by eating and watching tv). I found telling a partner what was going on helped immensely as then they could be supportive. Most kind hearted people will respond with love and support. It sounds like you are an interesting/cool person and I wish you love and support and healing.

0 0Rating: 0

Sweetie pie, you are more...

Feb 4, 2016 at 2:43pm

...than a collection of abuse memories. Please treat yourself a little more gently, stop having wasted sex (ironically, many of those partners were probably abused, too), and seek out some help. It's not the abuse that's killing you, it's the secrets. When you feel up to it, consider talking to the police; it's not too late to send some deserving dillhole to jail.

0 0Rating: 0

Anonymous

Feb 4, 2016 at 3:04pm

50 shades of grey

0 0Rating: 0

Been there.

Feb 4, 2016 at 11:49pm

Please cut yourself some slack. It gets better. Be forgiving and know these thing take a while. I wasn't finished with my anger, self hatred, and self sabotage till my early 40s. Sexual abuse has many stages. Selective abnesia - anger - massive hatred - numbness in intimacy and finally openness/forgiveness. Takes work and just going through the motions. You'll get there. And statistically 4/5 women you are with are dealing with some form of it. The more you talk/purge your stories the further you move ahead. Learn to give your heart/truth and be accepting of all that you are. Everyone everywhere will love you more because of it. Peace to all your hurts! We've all been there.

0 0Rating: 0

WTF?

Feb 5, 2016 at 1:01am

"And statistically 4/5 women you are with are dealing with some form of (sexual abuse) it. "
Making up stats does not help.

0 0Rating: 0

People will understand

Feb 5, 2016 at 8:26am

I just want you to know that you are normal and had a fucked up situation happen to you, with a human reaction. They are the problem, the one with something wrong with them. people who understand pain, trauma and being abused will understand you and accept you. I think if it is possible to get a good therapist with experience in this, that could be beneficial. expensive, but a few sessions could give you a lot of insight. You could tell a friend who is trustworthy but sometimes people do not say the right thing, I don't know why. You should not live in shame, this is the abuser's shame. And I know it will be a struggle but you will work through these issues ad become comfortable with yourself.

0 0Rating: 0

Support

Feb 5, 2016 at 8:30am

If you can get a copy of this, it's pretty good. it's for the friends of people who have through issues but i found it helpful for myself as well. I heard it' s available online.
https://microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/1571/

0 0Rating: 0

Join the Discussion

What's your name?