Sun-hatched under a rock on Vancouver Island, Miranda Nelson never went to kindergarten; ergo she missed out on learning important life lessons like how to share. If you want insightful, thought-provoking commentary, she is not your girl. However, if you're looking for tasteless jokes about genitalia, you've come to the right person. Nelson likes drinking whisky and dislikes throwing up whisky. She would classify her disdain for humanity as "healthy". Of course, she defines "healthy" as pouring whisky on her oatmeal.

Nelson spends her non-journalism-related time writing Hugh Laurie fan fiction, yelling at thoughtless people on public transit, attempting to bioengineer money trees, and contemplating where unicorns come from. (Like, did a narwhal have sex with a horse? What gives?) She's also fond of recycling pop culture tropes into her writing and passing them off as new and original jokes.