(Epic)

A half-decade ago, producer-cum-smart-ass Dan "The Automator" Nakamura gave the clueless bachelors of the world an invaluable gift titled Nathaniel Merriweather Presents”¦ Lovage: Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By. Buried amid a sex-dripping mix of vintage hip-hop and steamy trip-hop were tips on how to get the panties off the most frigid of ice queens. Among the pearls of wisdom: "Wash your ass every day" and "Brush your breath at least two or three times a day." Nakamura followed that up with Handsome Boy Modeling School's 2004 outing White People, which dispensed such sage advice as "You don't fart in front of a lady."

You could easily save yourself the trouble of memorizing such tips and spring for Love, Luther, a 56-track, career-spanning collection from the hopelessly suave motherfucker Luther Vandross. Screw the touching poem from his mom and the gushing essay that are found in the extensive liner notes. They're more likely to get the ladies crying than get you laid. Instead, turn down the lights, run a champagne bubble bath, open the Courvoisier, and pop in any one of these impossibly slinky discs, which any self-respecting ladies' man will already have loaded onto his iPod. And speaking of the fairer sex, here's a little secret, girls: you don't have to resort to spinning Love, Luther to get your man buck-naked. You only have to ask "Wanna fuck?", which is a nugget Nakamura's no doubt saving for his next Handsome Boy Modeling School record. Yes, men are that sad, which is why they need help from silky-smooth crooners like Vandross.