Boys unclear they are men

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      A funny thing happened recently on MuchMoreMusic, a channel that occasionally shows music videos betwixt half-hour exposés on the secret life of Pam Anderson's cooter. Following Gene Simmons Family Jewels but before Listed: Top 10 Items Found in the Rectums of '80s Child Stars , viewers were treated to marathon reruns of VH1's Mission: Man Band , a show where former members of Color Me Badd, 98 Degrees, 'N Sync, and LFO come together to form a pop-vocal group. They're hoping for another shot at fame, using the boy-band template to relaunch their dead-and-rotting careers.

      They're grown men, so the notion is ridiculous. The show is predicated on schadenfreude, and viewers are implicitly asked to laugh along with the cameras at how retarded boy-band music looks on adults. All's well and good with the latest salvo against human dignity launched by reality TV, except cut to commercial and there's an advertisement for Unbreakable , the latest album from the Backstreet Boys.

      Yes, Backstreet is back, again, and after 2005's ill-advised "rock" album, Never Gone , the "band" has returned to its roots, peddling crap-pop and triple-syruped ballads. The group has lost a member, some of the Boys have been in rehab, and one of them had surgery to repair his exhaustingly documented broken heart. In addition to starring in the utterly repugnant reality show House of Farters , one of them allegedly used Paris Hilton as the world's most haute couture punching bag. They may still call themselves boys, but they're rapidly getting to the age where Mike D, Ad-Rock, and MCA became unofficially known as the Beastie Men.

      In an interview on the phone from Germany, Brian Littrell–the square-jawed silent type of the group–seems to have missed the memo that pop eats its young. "We've been blessed to have good-quality music and good-quality fans for 15 years," says the unabashed Bible basher, now a husband and father. "When we first got together in 1993, we were young boys at the time. When you look at us now, Nick [Carter] will be 28 in January, A.J. [McLean] will be 30, I'll be 33 [in February], and Howie [Dorough] will be 35”¦ All those boy bands that were out when we first came out are not around anymore, and we're still here making good music."

      Ooookay. Everyone who knows when to leave a party, please step forward. Not so fast, Backstreet.

      Littrell goes on to reveal that the theatrics and dance routines of their '90s act will be part of their 2008 stage show. Surely someone old enough to be the dad of teenaged fuck machine Jamie Lynn Spears knows that once you become a man, it is no longer appropriate to wag your dong at tween girls. You either take the money and run, become a vanilla hunk of adult-contemporary mancake, or rebrand yourself as Justin Timberlake. And sorry, only Justin Timberlake gets to be Justin Timberlake.

      Given the financial rogering members of Backstreet endured at the start of their career (check out November's Vanity Fair for a shocking story on Boys' Svengali Lou Pearlman's downfall), only Eminem would begrudge them for continuing to shoot higher than the inevitable guest slots on Dancing With the Stars .

      But what happens with Backstreet could set a dangerous precedent for other boy-band comebacks. If the Boys are "unbreakable", what other Kids are all right? Somewhere, Jordan Knight could be lacing up his dancing shoes, even though that dink Donnie Wahlberg continues to avoid his phone calls. It's a slippery, spangly slope to the Hangin' Tough reunion tour. Don't say you haven't been warned.




      Dec 28, 2007 at 11:47am

      just have a question....who's the moron that writes this article?

      did she won a Pulitzer or something?....

      I guess the answer is NO!! She's a big nobody...Please get a life!



      Jennifer M

      Dec 28, 2007 at 12:17pm

      I have to say I am a very proud Backstreet Boy Fan and this article is EXTREMELY offensive.
      You can still not be a fan of whoever but where does it give her the right to slam 4 or even 5 "boybands" in this RIDICULOUS article.
      All The bands meantioned have been very high on the music chart at some in the past and sold mullions of records or CDs

      Where are her credentials???? Ive never heard of her.... probably some journalist for this publication just trying to make herself look big by writing blastfamist articles about popular musicians and singers
      Pretty sad of her I think to have taken that route.


      Dec 28, 2007 at 11:34pm

      oh gosh lady... youre such a hater... maybe republican??
      get a life and stop hating. if you dont have anything nice to say about the backstreet boys dont say anything at all!

      LOVE, LeaL714


      Dec 29, 2007 at 8:00am

      AND IM TO BSB FAN and this whatever they are just mad cause BACKSTREETS BACK ALRIGHT lol LOVE YOU BOYS

      John Lucas

      Dec 31, 2007 at 12:25am

      Blastfamist? Did you just make that word up, or what? How ridongular!


      Dec 31, 2007 at 5:02pm

      sorry that you are a jealous person. BSB is still here because they are beautiful singers and beautiful people who make respectable music. they have not sold out to the T and A music exploiting women that Justin what's his name has. As for their imperfections, no one is perfect. I respect them for facing their demons and working hard to repair them. They are truly men. Supporting each other and being loyal to their fans. They will be here for as long as they want to be because of their amazing talent. While poor Justin will keep struggling to be a hip hop wanna-be.

      John Lucas

      Jan 1, 2008 at 12:44pm

      For a struggling wannabe, Justin What's-His-Name has done pretty well for himself, wouldn't you say?


      Jan 1, 2008 at 5:01pm

      Yes, pretty well at making money the old fashioned way, pimping himself for it. Going for the greed factor. It's all about the "bling" isn't it?
      He's a copy cat. Copying Micheal Jackson and his urban idols. Whatever makes him the most money. BSB are true originals that never tried to be anyone but themselves. They have an original sound and style that they know shows the way they want to honor their art. Again, with respect and pure talent. They don't need gimmicks and cheap booty videos to promote their music. Sorry but I'll never change my mind. BSB will always have my heart. They are decent, compassionate people who happen to have amazing singing talent. That is all there is to it. Have you ever even taken the time to sit down and truly listen to them sing? For me that's what it's all about. Making beautiful music that comes from the heart. Not gimmicky, flashy, soft porn videos. Sorry but J T's high pitched girly voice does nothing for me. Any way, Thanks for replying. Happy New Year!