Why Scott Weiland is truly worthless
When he finally does the world a favour and shuffles off to the rest home, Scott Weiland is going to get priority entry into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s Flaming Douchebag wing. In an industry filled with obnoxious asswipes, few are more self-deluded than the man who’s just announced he’s had enough of singing for Velvet Revolver.
Just how oblivious to his own worthlessness is Weiland? Well, somehow he got it in his head that the world has a boner for the reunion of the pitiful Stone Temple Pilots, who were to grunge what the Knack was to punk rock. Yes, STP is back together and ready to remind you why the ’90s sucked more than you might remember.
For the moment, though, the headlines are all about Weiland having a queen-sized hissy fit last week while on-stage with VR in Glasgow, Scotland. In a performance that would have embarrassed Naomi Campbell, the rehab frequent flier told a sold-out crowd that they were witnessing “something special.”¦the last tour by Velvet Revolver”.
That, of course, wasn’t entirely accurate. What they were really witnessing was various members of Guns N’ Roses saddled with the biggest poseur in rock. Let’s face it—no one goes to see Velvet Revolver because they loved Weiland’s B-grade work with the Stone Temple Toilets. They go to get an in-the-flesh look at Slash and Duff McKagan, who, just like Keith Richards, prove they don’t make rock stars like they used to.
In fairness, it’s not like Weiland has no idea how to keep the unwashed masses entertained. As spectacles go, they don’t get much better than his 2007 Burbank, California, run-in with his long-suffering wife. Mrs. Stone Temple Toilet finished off a protracted domestic dispute by gathering up her husband’s clothes and starting an impromptu bonfire on the couple’s front lawn. This proved the Weilands are, despite their millions, white trash at heart. That at least gives them something in common with Velvet Revolver’s fans.
As detestable as Weiland is, you can’t blame him for wanting out of VR, a so-called supergroup so lacking in chemistry it makes Audioslave seem like a good idea. It’s well documented that the band is divided into two camps. In one dressing room, you find Slash, McKagan, drummer Matt Sorum, and guitarist Dave Kushner; in the other, there’s no one but Weiland, which is understandable: unless you make your living dealing outside the Carnegie Centre, you wouldn’t want to be around him either.
After throwing down the mike mid-performance in Glasgow and stomping off-stage, Weiland reportedly returned for a petulant performance of “It’s So Easy”. His next move was a blog attack on Sorum, suggesting that the drummer is too immature to have a real relationship or kids (the implication being he’ll never know the joy of roasting marshmallows over burning clothes with them). Continuing on the low road, he then dredged up Sorum’s latest rehab stint, and added a swipe about how he was a career hired gun until Velvet Revolver. The latter might be true, but at least he never fronted a faux-grunge band so atrocious that it was publicly mocked by Pavement.
The one good thing that’s come out of all of this—besides the promise of never having to suffer through another Velvet Revolver record—is that Slash and McKagan look like free agents again. Hopefully, somewhere in Los Angeles, a bloated Axl Rose is thinking it’s time to stop dicking around with Chinese Democracy.
After all, he’s got a score to settle with Weiland, who last year took a shot at him as a “fat, Botox-faced, wig-wearin’ fuck”. Surely Rose is aware that revenge is a dish best served cold. What better way to prove that Weiland is a fraud than reuniting with G N’ R and showing him what a real on-stage hissy fit looks like. May we suggest that the tour kick off in St. Louis, where concert organizers could give Mr. Stone Temple Toilet a video camera and a seat in the front row. If he asks extra-nicely, he can even bring his bullhorn.
Mar 28, 2008 at 11:10am
Wow. I haven't seen such vitriol from Mike since he ragged on Radiohead for having the audacity to release a digital copy of their most recent album before a CD. What he let slip in that story was the source of his dislike for Radiohead was actually the fact that they didn't give him their sole undivided loving attention during an interview that took place years ago. Evidently Mike never lets go of a rock n roll grudge. Which leads me to wonder - what perceived snub did Mike suffer at the hands of Weiland that led to this outburst? Please do fill us in.
Mar 28, 2008 at 1:58pm
Love, love, love it. Usinger is one of the top reasons to read the Straight, period. God, that was funny. And painfully, painfully true.
Mar 28, 2008 at 4:16pm
Don't tell anyone, but I actually love that Stone Temple Pilots song "Big Bang Baby". Other than that, the Stone Temple Pilots were to grunge what the Knack were to punk. A group that was sold to the public by the major labels as having street cred they didn't have. In this case, STP was supposedly made up of veterans of the San Diego punk scene, despite the fact that no one is San Diego every remembered playing shows with them. I saw them at the Town Pump when their record company had them on the road giving free showcases for the public. I don't remember anything about the show, not because I was drunk, but because they were so, well, unmemorable. Later i saw them get blown off the stage by the Butthole Surfers and fIREHOSE at the PNE. And eventually I got sick and tired of reading about Weiland taking whatever breaks the good lord Jesus Christ gave him and pissing them away.
How many trips to rehab must one man make to wise up? Or put it his way, if you're going to be a pathetic junkie fuck-up, at least go all out like GG Allin and make a spectacle of yourself. No one ever forgot a GG Allin show. Did I mention that I love "Big Bang Baby", even if I hate the v-neck sweater that Weiland wears in the video? As for your question of what they did to me, the answer is nothing. If anything, I supposed they made me laugh, but only when Pavement dissed them by name in "Range Life" and when Cop Shoot Cop referred to them one time in concert as the Stone Temple Toilets.
Mar 28, 2008 at 6:22pm
I was at that PNE gig. I seem to recall that fIREHOSE couldn't make it across the border and a band made up of roadies and kids from the audience played instead. And then I think fIREHOSE showed up in time to play for about 10 minutes. But yeah, those 10 minutes still blew STP off the stage.
Mar 29, 2008 at 11:49am
I'm not sure why I'm even bothering commenting on this because the writer clearly just hated the 90's, but I will anyway. First off, I have a boner for the reunion of STP, and I'm not the only one. I think you'd fine more people excited about this than you'd think. I'd also like to say that I saw Velvet Revolver 3 times for obscene amounts of money each time just because I heard that they played a few STP songs and the crowd goes ape-shit the second the first chords of those songs are strummed. I also wore my Army Of Anyone shirt the last time I saw VR and got a few thumbs ups and "Hell yea!"'s. This would lead me to believe that you're a bit mistaken about the amount of people who still like STP and are excited about this reunion. I don't know what happened to make anyone think STP is an "atrocious" "faux-grunge band." I mean, are we denying the power and talent and fantastic vocal ability of Scott Weiland? How about the Deleo brothers? Robert Deleo is quite possibly one of the most underrated bass players of the past 2 decades. Tasteful, creative, and fuckin brilliant. Dean Deleo is also one of the most underrated guitarists of the past 2 decades and he runs CIRCLES around Slash. I mean, I'm a Slash fan and I respect that he is what he is and he knows it, but could he be any more generic? Listen to Dean's beautiful fuckin slide playing on Big Empty, solo on And So I Know, and straight up rock n roll sound on Trippin On A Hole In A Paper Heart. And there, I'm just talking about Dean's versatile guitar playing, but how about STP's SONGWRITING? What about the fuckin groove on Where The River Goes? The fuckin Beatles-esque style of I Got You? Interstate Love Song? That song is fuckin undeniable, I don't care if it was a hit. Too Cool Queenie? Big Bang Baby? Adhesive? Try LISTENING to this band...LISTEN to their fuckin albums and listen to how fuckin versatile they are, and how they fuckin evolved and the creativity involved and the pure fuckin brilliance of what they did and at LEAST respect it.
Mar 29, 2008 at 4:21pm
And after you're finishing listening to those radio-friendly, watered-down alt-rock chestnuts, check out Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger, Alice in Chains' Dirt, Nirvana's In Utero, Helmet's In the Meantime, L7's Bricks Are Heavy, Mudhoney's Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge, the Screaming Trees' Sweet Oblivion, Hole's Live Through This and... well I could go on but I won't. All that said though, I'm glad that STP got you off. After all, at least they weren't as bad as Live.
Apr 1, 2008 at 5:14pm
Well, it's official. <a href="http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1... target="_blank">Velvet Revolver has given Weiland the boot</a>. Kicked him to the curb. Tossed his ass out.
The band has announced that former Soundgarden and Audioslave singer Chris Cornell will be taking Weiland's place.
Apr 2, 2008 at 10:26am
The bit about Cornell was my little April Fool's joke.
Apr 7, 2008 at 11:19pm
does anyone remember that episode of the simpsons where they go to lollapalooza. at one point, while driving a carpool of children to school, homer is rocking out to grand funk railroad much to the chagrin and embarassment of bart and lisa. as they berate him, he comes to the realization that he has aged and become out of step.
i cannot wait for the time when the populist, post-grunge establishment finally suffers a horrible death much like the poisons and warrants did almost 2 decades ago. perhaps then stone temple pilots will become the butt of these jokes.
and, if history has taught us anything, nothing will really change. for then we will get to start complaining about atrocious, commercialized versions of oh, say the arcade fire.
which will be really entertaining for me when some jackass, maybe 8 years down the road, vigorously defends such a band over how underrated the french horn player is, how versatile the accordion player is, and how great the songwriting is over the merits of an ability to mimic bowie, which by then should be horribly cliched. (if it isn't already. either way, i'm not going to make that call. but if it is, just make that "MORE horribly cliched" if you prefer.)
Apr 25, 2008 at 9:12pm
Looks like this Usinger didn't get much love from the parents growing up. Either that or he's chemically imbalanced. Sucks to be you doesn't it?
It sure doesn't suck to be Scott Weiland, or more accurately, the frontman of the band that's currently selling the most concert tickets according to Pollstar. Which also must mean (as much you'd hate to admit it) he's worth a lot and it's something you have trouble coming to terms with. In this case, it's a lot more money than your worthless bitter ass.
In any case, I'm glad you've at least come to terms with the fact that Weiland, or more specifically, STP will be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when the time comes. When it's all said and done it'll be a honorable way to thank one the true legends of real American rock 'n roll of the past two decades.
As for you, Usinger, I'd like to quote Mr. Weiland:
"Down you go, suffer long."