Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience is Beatlemania lite

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      Directed by Bruce Hendricks. Rated G

      Got on your “Mrs. Jonas” T-shirt? Okay, stop hyperventilating and mouth the lyrics while puppyish Joe Jonas practically steps off the screen, singing “BB Good” right to you: “You gotta be, be good to me/I’m gonna be, be good to you.” Oh, you only have a “Mrs. Le Bon” tee? Right. Sadly, your tween daughter may find you too embarrassing to accompany her to Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

      Watch the trailer for Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

      Even if you’re late to this purity party—the squeaky-clean Jonas Brothers actually wear chastity rings—the hysteria following the pop-rocking New Jersey siblings from the Disney Channel to stadiums filled with shrieking 12-year-olds is undeniable. It’s like Beatlemania—without the originality, good songs, or discernible personalities.

      Director Bruce Hendricks thinks they’re the Beatles’ second coming. He even cribs those iconic scenes from A Hard Day’s Night in which hordes of squealing girls give chase to the Liverpool lads. Here, Joe, Nick, and Kevin are frantically pursued through Manhattan. Let’s just say this maybe wasn’t the wisest comparison to make.

      There’s some day-in-the-life stuff—tailing the brothers from hotel breakfast to talk shows, Times Square record party, and finally, Madison Square Garden. Big revelation: Joe likes peach jam! The bulk, though, is—sigh—concert.

      The sibs perform songs like “Video Girl” and “S.O.S.”, but if you’re really old it’s all one long, blurred, banal thing. The boys play atop hydraulic pedestals. Joe and 16-year-old baby brother Nick turn handsprings. Disney pal Demi Lovato and country warbler Taylor Swift appear.

      Oh, there’s also 3D: Joe’s throwing his sunglasses. Catch! Guitar pick, anybody? Now mingle with the cellphone-and-glowstick-waving prepubescent crowd.

      The best part? The chaste siblings grab giant hoses and spray their audience with cascades of white gook. Suddenly, the tweeners appear to have baby batter in their hair. Don’t look, Mom!