The Jonas Brothers leave 'em screaming at GM Place

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      At GM Place on Monday, June 29

      At 4 p.m., three hours before the Jonas Brothers concert was supposed to start, a black luxury SUV slowed to a crawl in front of GM Place’s Gate 9. A window rolled down, and the face of lead singer Joe Jonas—“the cute one”—appeared as he waved to a throng of fans on the sidewalk. In the closest thing I’ve seen to Beatlemania redux, hysterical screams erupted among the young girls who had gathered in the faint hope of precisely such a JoBro sighting, and 30 kids instantly dashed into the street and mobbed the car. It continued moving, and I felt sure that some overzealous tween would soon discover what it felt like when an Escalade rolls onto a flip-flop-clad foot. Hulking security personnel had to exit the vehicle and yell and push at the frantic horde before the car could safely continue.

      Ninety minutes later, at a special “sound check party” inside a GM Place meeting room that was crammed with a couple of hundred contest winners and the lucky chosen few, there would be no such reckless behaviour. The Jonas Brothers fans who’d assembled there were warned twice that if any of them made a move toward the front of the room—where their heroes would soon perform acoustically—they would be escorted away. Nobody warned them about making noise, though, so when Joe strolled out with his guitar-toting brothers Nick and Kevin, a hellish caterwauling ensued.

      Between laid-back performances of its hits “Year 3000”, “Love Bug”, and “S.O.S.”, the trio opened the floor up to questions, eliciting such thoughtful queries as “Can I have a hug?” and “Why are you so hot?” Not once did the topic of the Jonas Brothers’ music come up. Hugs and hotness trump tunes in JoBro World, it appears.

      Although the concert was scheduled to begin at 7 p.m., there was a serious delay in the assembling of the stage, and the doors didn’t open until after 7:30. Following three- and four-song sets, respectively, by Honor Society (sort of a nerdier-looking, slightly more aggressive version of the Jonases) and Jordin Sparks (an awesome R&B-pop crooner and former American Idol winner), the headliners took the stage to the strains of Queen’s “We Will Rock You”, then put the lie to that claim with the lightweight “Paranoid”, the first single off their new CD, Lines, Vines and Trying Times. Considering that Joe Jonas is a healthy 19-year-old who, like his evangelical Christian brethren, has vowed to abstain from premarital sex, you’d think his pent-up gonads would have him leaping about like Bruce Dickinson circa 1982. Instead, he sauntered around the perimeter of the stage like he had all the time in the world to get his sacred rocks off. I suppose he does.

      “Thanks for being patient,” blathered one of the brothers, “we promise to put on one of the best shows ever for you guys tonight.” With a 10-piece backup band that included guitar, keys, drums, bass, violin, viola, and a four-piece horn section, they certainly had a lot of help in achieving that aim. But the real star of the show was the stage itself, a massive in-the-round setup that included secondary platforms on each side and an immense, circular lighting rig that also served as a video screen.

      The biggest highlight of the 21-song set came with the soulful reappearance of powerhouse Sparks on her single “Battlefield”; the night’s lowlight was a tempo-trashing take on Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline”. Somewhere in between lay “Live to Party”, the theme song from the new Disney Channel show Jonas. While Nick hammered the drums on that frisky tune, Joe and Kevin rode on a hydraulic lift and shot foamy white liquid out over the heads of the gyrating floor crowd.

      Easy, boys. Don’t forget about those purity rings.

      Comments

      15 Comments

      H0LL@

      Jun 30, 2009 at 9:52am

      This show was rediculously entertaining. For only having been a fan since they co-hosted the MMVA's last week, I was impressed.

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      Emily

      Jun 30, 2009 at 10:17am

      It's obviously very easy for you to mock and dismiss the Jonas Brothers, because they write pop music and the largest number of their fans are young teen-aged girls. However, I am neither teen-aged or young and I am a Jonas Brothers fan. Their music is actually listenable, and is not raunchy, misogynistic, or filled with foul language which makes it a refreshing chang of pace today.

      Here's an article that probably won't interest you, but it is an example of the kind of people the Jonas Brothers are. I wonder if any of the "artists" you feel are more worthy of your jouralistic brilliance would take the time to do the things the Jonas Brothers do as a matter of course. This sort of generosity to fans, both sick and healthy, is why the Jonas Brothers are a cut above.
      http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music/2009/06/30/2009-06-30_jon...

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      Steve Newton

      Jun 30, 2009 at 11:44am

      you're right, it doesn't interest me. But I read it anyway. Not to sound too cynical, but I wonder which Jonas brother tipped off the Daily News about this charitable act in time for full coverage? Maybe it was the "Bonus Jonas", whoever that is.

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      sleepswithangels

      Jun 30, 2009 at 1:33pm

      Oh PUKE. More teen scream bubble gum popsters.

      The sort of FANaticism that we see with Michael Jackson appears to be endemic with the Jonas Bros.

      Subconsciously you are all wishing that they would molest you. How many millions of Wacko Jacko fans weren't the least bit surprised or put off to learn that the "Gloved One" had young boys over for "sleep overs"?
      How many of you didn't think it strange that Jacko would give the families of these young boys tens of millions of dollars to hush them up?

      How many of you think that a balanced diet includes Aspartamine and Big Macs? How many of you think that sweating is something you do when you've got Jacko's or the Jonas' CD art stuffed where the sun don't shine and not something that comes from exercise or hard work?
      SMBs

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      Pfeh

      Jun 30, 2009 at 2:31pm

      What an obnoxiously written review. They're virgins. Get the eff over it - they make great pop-rock music, something you clearly can't recognize unless it's a woman doing the performing, like Ms. Sparks. Sounds like you're no different than most superficial, idiot consumers these days.

      Jonas Brothers are one of the best things in pop today - and since the 80s.

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      Ambrosia

      Jun 30, 2009 at 9:23pm

      Steve Newton - Maybe it was the family itself? Why does everything they do have to be looked at in a negative light? Face it, nothing is ever going to please your bias, if they do something charitable (and the media writes about it) you're gonna say: "OH THEY'RE THE ONES WHO TOLD THE MEDIA ABOUT IT." On the other hand, if they don't do charity work, "OH WHY AREN'T THEY DOING CHARITY WORK."

      By the way, it really doesn't matter who told the media because at the end of the day, that's not what's important... what's important is that Jessica, that sick young girl, was given a chance to be very happy, even if it was for a day or a couple of hours.

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      unbiased-compared-to-you

      Jul 1, 2009 at 1:34am

      You obviously have something against them already to be able to state all of that so blatantly, your article was not fair to the Jonas' in the least. Has it ever occurred to you that they are good/honest people? They have been true to what they have said since they started their rise to fame. I think that you are just trying to get your own 5 minutes of fame out of the Jonas Brothers. If you despised their performance so much then don't write about it at all. Don't state your opinion as a fact.

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      Emily

      Jul 1, 2009 at 7:54am

      Wow, Steve. How impressive that you can mock an article about a 12 year old with a brain tumor and her family being given a few moments of joy. I guess that's why the Jonas Brothers are making millions of dollars and have fans the world over and you are writing trash for an internet rag.

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      Sydney. M

      Jul 1, 2009 at 12:24pm

      So the last time I checked the site I came to was straight.com and not the Jonas Bros fan club, clearly nothing will appease you teeny bopper die hard fans of a mediocre boy band. Here is a little dose of reality for all you...are you ready ?
      The Jonas Brothers don't give two shits about any of you, they are doing what they do because a team of people made up of agents, pr management, stylists, and many more have found the perfect formula to get all your little panties wet over these "virgins"...which btw they are NOT.

      So to recap a music writer went to a show to review that show and this does not involve kissing ass and writing generic garbage about a generic band, instead he wrote a fair review of the show. What worked and what didn't and had a little fun with it in the process. Call me crazy but I would rather read the type of witty, humourous, and yes even opinionated reviews in the Straight then some formulaic vanilla of a review that tries to appease everyone.

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      Steve Newton

      Jul 1, 2009 at 4:21pm

      I guess I should mention that my 11-year-old daughter loved the show, said it was the best concert she'd ever seen. Even better than the last three Hilary Duff shows, which I had to take her to as well. It's tough bein' a dad sometimes.

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