There are times when a person asks themselves big questions in life, such as: would it have behooved the Straight to have spent the past week slobbering all over Justin Bieber’s 16-year-old knob like the Vancouver Sun and Province?
If you’ve been paying attention, both Vancouver dailies have spent the last seven days doing their best to convince Vancouver that the pride of Stratford, Ontario is the most important thing to hit pop music since the Bay City Rollers. Who, by the way, had considerably less-atrocious hair.
Despite covering everything from where Bieber gets his mane tamed, to what brand of toilet paper he wipes his ass with, such unfailingly fawning coverage failed to ask one question: does the YouTube sensation have any actual talent? Or is he just the latest example of soccer mom-spawned tweens buying into something that’s so hopelessly pre-fabbed and phony, it makes Britney Spears look like the second coming of Patti Smith?
The Georgia Straight was hoping to draw its own conclusions tonight when Bieber plays Rogers Arena. But after going through all the proper channels for review tickets, the Straight was informed this afternoon that the singer’s handlers have turned down the request.
Interestingly enough, the Sun and the Province were both approved. It should be noted that this preferential treatment is a first. Usually, all major media in town is either approved for review tickets or denied.
It's also interesting that management greenlighted a photo pass for the Straight. After all, a photo doesn’t tell the world if someone couldn’t sing their way out of a suburban karaoke bar.
Perhaps Bieber’s people spent time this week trolling the Internet, where they unearthed a Straight Pop Eye suggesting that their boy isn’t really a singer, but is in fact Satan in disguise. Or perhaps it’s just that we didn’t spend enough time sucking his dick.
Whatever the reason, you have to give Bieber’s handlers credit: if he blows worse tonight than a Tijuana whore with lockjaw and a chipped tooth, chances are good that no one is going to have the balls to say it.