The Spigot: UFOs in Shuswap, cosmic landslides, and the Koch brothers get burned

    1 of 1 2 of 1

      Did you miss us? Mr. and Mrs. Spigot were UFO hunting in the Lake Shuswap area last week (holiday snaps here) and this is what we saw, brought to you exclusively and first hand:

      Nothing. Although we noticed a lot more cottonweed on the surface of the water this year.

      This is the kind of on-the-ground reporting you see too little of in the muddy field of UFO research, and you’re very welcome.

      Also, It's GREAT TO BE BACK!

      Now please compare the Spigot’s hair-raising non-encounter in BC's lake district with this curiosity:

      On June 29 (the story emerged last week), a bright orange object was seen by multiple witnesses touching down in Tuckahoe State Park in Maryland. It was buzzed by military helicopters and then it took off “into space”.

      Perhaps worth mentioning is that Andrews Air Force Base is about an hour and a half away by conventional travel, and roughly seconds by super-advanced Nazi tech. Here are the two totally inconclusive videos:

      Keeping our eyes to the skies, the ever inneresting i09 has a nice story today about our solar system’s weirdest moon.

      Iapetus spins around Saturn freaking out all the other moons with its daft name, mysterious two-tone colour scheme, and the ridge that perfectly divides its hemispheres, proving beyond question that the two halves were screwed together in a very, very large factory like a cosmic Kinder Surprise egg.

      In any event, astrophysicists are all a-tremble over the satellite’s huge ice slides (even bigger than the ones they serve at Moxie's), observed by NASA’s Cassini probe to be cascading down a range of mountains that make the Himalayas look like an array of pimples.

      Researchers say that studying these ice slides can help us better understand a related phenomenon on Earth known as a sturzstrom, although fewer clues are offered about how to pronounce it. Here’s a picture of a well-known and impressive sturzstrom. And just for the fuck of it, here’s a picture of the Nazi Schutzstaffel.

      One likes to keep the Nazis in close proximity to any story involving NASA, even at a stretch, because that’s what we do. In related news, the Koch brothers have experienced a catastrophic breakdown in their own usually infallible Nazi tech.

      With the release of its findings this week, it appears that the Koch-funded Berkeley Earth Surface Temperature study (BEST) has concluded that anthropogenic climate change is real, representing a stunning breach to an ongoing propaganda effort that has cost the brothers billions of dollars and the rest of us our future.

      BEST’s scientific director, Richard Muller, having finally apprehended the meaning of his title, even penned a New York Times op-ed in which he cheerfully states, “Call me a converted skeptic.”

      Bravo, Dr. Muller. Also, fuck you and your too-little-too-late deathbed conversion, the full import of which—in case you don’t get it—is horrifyingly reflected in the opening paragraph of a report this morning from CTV:

      “The four-year-long drought that affected western Canada and the U.S. at the turn of the century was the worst to hit the region in 800 years, say scientists who warn that dry spell was nothing compared to the ‘megadroughts’ still to come.”

      There’s a lot more where that came from. Ah yes, the lake was lovely this year. And warm. Very, very warm.

      You can follow Adrian Mack's contribution to the lobotomizing techno-nightmare known as Twitter at @AdrianMacked.