Kreayshawn needs to try harder on Somethin ’Bout Kreay

Somethin ’Bout Kreay (Columbia)

Kreayshawn might be a lot of things—adorably diminutive, charmingly novel, and thoroughly obnoxious—but a go-getter doesn’t seem to be one of them. This was driven home by her Vancouver debut last October, with the Oakland MC showing up a couple of hours late for her first Lotusland appearance, playing for a grand total of 22-or-so minutes, and then toodling off-stage without so much as an encore.

No matter how big an Internet sensation you are, you’ve got to try harder in these ADHD-addled times. One minute you’ve got over 38 million YouTube hits for your nasally, stupid-white-girl rap smash “Gucci Gucci”, the next you’re lying next to Die Antwoord in yesterday’s viral-sensation pile.

Kreayshawn doesn’t totally call it in on her first album, Somethin ’Bout Kreay. When she’s looking to get the club raging, she’s a ton of stupid fun. Proceed directly to the synth-strafed nightmare “Left Ey3”, which finds her promising to slap your mom, key your car, cut your dick off, and burn your motherfucking house down just like Lisa Lopes. Even though the rubbery jam “Go Hard (La.La.La)” wears thin after about the 15th listen, the first 14 spins are pretty great, to the point where doing circles in a parking lot with the car stereo blasting seems even more fun than hitting your stepfather’s crib and heisting his credit cards.

But things fall apart when Kreayshawn decides she wants a piece of Katy Perry’s pop-tart pie. It doesn’t matter that the woman born Natassia Gail Zolot can’t really rap—neither could Vanilla Ice, but that doesn’t stop anyone from bum-rushing the dance floor every time “Ice Ice Baby” gets dropped by the DJ. The fact that she can’t sing is just painful, especially since sincerity—which she aims for on curiously limp tracks like “BFF (Bestfriend)”—isn’t her strong suit.

“Gucci Gucci” would almost be enough to make up for such transgressions, especially when Kreayshawn sneers “Bitch, you ain’t no Barbie/I see you work at Arby’s/Number two, super-size, hurry up I’m starving.” Too bad the track came out in 2011, which means any true fan played the shit out of it long ago. Here’s somethin ’bout Kreay that she might not be aware of: she’s really going to have to try harder.