Summer In The City - Blueberries 'n' Booze and Other Hot Tips

Among the ways to cope with the heat are to invest in a bug zapper and shop for Christmas presents

This is all you need to know to survive the next few months.

BARBECUED CHICKEN

Nothing says summer like the word summer, but people who are less obsessed with terminological specificity are encouraged to get a similar effect by breaking out the barbecue. My burgers tend to break and cremate underneath the grill, so I've switched to yakitori, which is nice-looking and foolproof. Start with raw chicken "tenders", precut (cheaper than whole breast), or thighs, which are tastier and cheaper still. Rinse the chicken and dry with paper towels. Toss with a marinade of shoyu (Japanese soy sauce) and mirin (sweet rice wine), or substitute wine and a bit of sugar for the mirin. You can spike it with Thai chili sauce, sesame oil, or whatever. Refrigerate this mess for an hour or so, then thread the chicken bits onto small skewers, alternating with short lengths of green onion. Brush with a little oil and barbecue--they don't take long. They don't last long on a tray, either, so make plenty.

GROUSE GRIND

The Left Coast lifestyle is supposed to include a great deal of physical activity. Occasionally, one is obliged to demonstrate this for visiting friends and relatives. If you can handle it, why not join the horde that is overusing the Grouse Grind? It's easy to find: the trail starts at the end of the lowest parking lot and is well-marked. A short hike in the woods leads to a rocky slope. The trail is stable and no more difficult than using a stepladder, but as time goes by (figure on spending an hour and a half if you're in average condition), the hot, sweaty, grinding aspect makes itself known. Have a well-deserved beer at the top of Grouse Mountain and catch the gondola down for five bucks.

HOW TO SLEEP IN AUGUST

Non-Canadians joke about our weather, but it's not all igloos and ice floes. In August, the warm spell takes full effect in Vancouver. Sweat pours, shirts stick to the body, and the air is so thick and still that it seems to push back against the walker. Practically nobody has in-home air conditioning, so how do you stay cool enough to sleep? The answer is to keep the window shades down and invest in a plastic spray bottle. Fill the bottle with water and keep it by the bed. When the fan doesn't cool you enough, spray yourself with a couple of squirts from the bottle, and the resultant mist will provide a few seconds of exquisite relief. The closed shades are because this trick only works when you are completely naked.

WHAT TO BUY IN SUMMER

The first day of summer should also be known as the first day to start putting together Christmas presents. Just as the dead of winter is the best time to update your swimwear, astute summer shoppers are taking advantage of the deep discounts on coats, sweaters, and boots.

WHAT TO BUY YOUR KIDS

Youngsters make most of their own entertainment, which you probably call dangerous tomfoolery. For those days when you would like them in the yard and out of your hair, there's no better investment than a Slip 'N Slide. For $12.95 or so, you get an unbeatable return in happy screamsí‚ ­per-dollar ratio. Plenty of watery fun; no drowning!

A TIP FOR THE THIN-SKINNED

When your bloody sandals are becoming literally bloody, consider a bottle of liquid bandages. Sold under a variety of names at runners' supply stores, this product is a waterproof skin substitute that you paint onto your miserable blisters. It breathes like a regular bandage but doesn't fall off as quickly.

WHEN TO DRINK MORE WATER

Dehydration is hard on the body and can lead to sunstroke and other nasties. How do you know if you're getting enough liquid? Easy-peasy! Look in the bowl during or after your next pee. If your pee looks like water, you're drinking enough. If it's yellow, you're not. If it is bright blue, you might have porphyria, but more likely one of your friends is a chemistry student.

BERRY, BERRY GOOD TO ME

Whether you gather them yourself from your own wild, organic bushes or drive out to the Fraser Valley to get 'em at the fruit stand, local berries can't be beaten for flavour, texture, and healthy goodness (an excellent excuse, therefore, to blend them with booze). James Barber puts in a handful of blueberries with his fried chicken, and so, therefore, do I. To enjoy local berries all year takes a little work but saves much moola. Just pour clean, dry berries onto cookie sheets (one layer deep), and pop into the freezer. I store these frozen berries in baggies for use in cooking, for snacking, and to make protein shakes halfway palatable.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU SEE DEAD CROWS

If you see a dead crow on the ground, don't touch it--phone the environmental-health department of the Vancouver Coastal Health Authority (604-736-2866), because of concerns about West Nile Virus. The crow must have died relatively recently (within 48 hours) and be on public property.

AN OBSCURE FACT

Those novelty bug zappers that look like miniature tennis racquets are widely available in the summertime, inexpensive, and conveniently powered by AA batteries. The downside is that they do not work, at least for killing insects. But according to a good friend of the Straight, they are getting increasingly popular in the kink community for spanking purposes. Having one near the window might eventually be as suggestive as the proper kind of handkerchief.

SUMMER SEX OBSERVATIONS

1. Sound carries at night.

2. Everyone has their windows open.

A GREAT PLACE TO SEE PEOPLE COVERED IN TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS, OR PARADING VARIOUS DOGS ON LEASHES, WHILE YOU ARE SHOPPING FOR FRESH VEGETABLES, LOCAL SAUSAGES, BAKED GOODIES, ARTISAN CRAFTS, AND BOUQUETS OF FLOWERS:

The East Vancouver Farmers Market, Saturday mornings at the Trout Lake Community Centre parking lot on Victoria Drive.

BEST BREEZE

The freshest, loveliest breeze in these parts is, for my money, on the BC Ferries. On a sunny summer day, there is no peer. Of course, you need to go somewhere. I go to Lund, at the northernmost tip of Highway 1. It's a tiny hamlet two ferries and six hours away, but home to the Laughing Oyster, which serves the most delicious crisp-baked oyster imaginable.

HOW TO BE COOL (WITH KIDS)

Check out the Maple Grove pool--still a buck (for age six to 18; five and under free; adults $2) to get in to this, a beautiful sun-dappled wading pool with a tots' slide in the heart of the city at Yew Street and Southwest Marine Drive in South Vancouver.

WHAT TO EAT INSTEAD OF POTATO SALAD

Potato salad, with its lashings of mayonnaise, is an excellent place to grow your favourite bacteria. Simply place into a picnic hamper and let it warm up in the sun for a few hours before eating. The results are colourful and explosive. Alternatively, you can try this rice salad; it has no eggs to fester and is instead full of tasty things and tons of fibre. You can buy it at Capers for an unbelievable amount of money or concoct it at home. Simply make a batch of wild rice (available in most supermarkets). While that's under way, sauté onions, mushrooms, and/or bell peppers in good olive oil--cook slowly to get them yummy and caramelized. Toss with the cooked rice, season generously with salt, pepper, balsamic vinegar, and honey (or maple syrup). It's different and everyone likes it.

HOW TO WHISTLE WITH YOUR HANDS

These two tricks will make you charmingly rustic and able to summon dogs and small children from a long distance. Look for the widest blade of grass you can find. Be careful when picking: they are sharp, which is the whole idea. Place edge toward you, between thumbs. You want to hold the grass really tight, top-to-bottom, with a bit of light between this taut reed and your thumbs. Place mouth to it and blow.

The other hand-whistle requires no reed but is much more demanding of skill. Assume the same thumb position. Fold fingers of one hand into the crotch of the other hand to make the top of a bowl. Curve the other fingers around to make the back and bottom of the bowl. You don't blow into it, but down over the thumb-hole at the knuckles. The idea is to send air rapidly across a narrow opening in a resonant structure, as with a flute.