2014: What a wonderful year for women!

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      It's been such a wonderful year for women! As 2014 draws to a close, let's relive some of the amazing progress made in regards to women this year.

      Canada passed the Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act, making it a crime to pay for sex or benefit from the avails of sex work—despite protests from actual sex workers who claim the laws will increase harm to workers by driving sex work further underground. But what do people actually working in the industry know, right? Score one for federal paternalism!

      Sex workers and their allies marching against Bill C-36 in Vancouver in June.
      Charlie Smith

      In August, an angry ex-boyfriend's hateful Internet screed started GamerGate, a whole revolution of women getting harassed, doxxed, threatened, stalked, and having rape fiction written about them. Finally! Women are making headlines!

      Media critic Anita Sarkeesian, who has been challenging sexist tropes in video games since 2012, found her insightful criticism affording her the extreme privilege of being threatened with violence, driven from her home, and having the FBI investigate her harassers. Finally! A woman gets the spotlight she deserves!

      Anita Sarkeesian.

      After Uber’s complete lack of background checks led to rapes being reported in L.A., BostonNew Delhi, and the company was banned in Spainthe Netherlands, and parts of India, the ride-sharing service has finally decided to improve women's safety! Score another one for women!

      We learned that it's totally okay for political candidates to condescendingly call women reporters "sweetheart". See? A woman has a job! It's like watching a dog walk on its hind legs!

      Pictured: basically a woman with a job.

      In November, Rolling Stone published a poorly fact-checked story about a rape victim, only to throw the subject of the article to the wolves after other publications picked apart the victim's account. Finally, men are safe from the tyranny of getting consent when having sex! And rape culture? Totally doesn't exist!

      And thanks to CeeLo Green, we found out that women can't even be raped if they are unconscious! Another win for the no-need-to-get-consent crew!

      This very month, Missouri lawmakers introduced a bill that would see any woman seeking an abortion to get a written, notarized note from the man who impregnates her. Finally! It was way too hard for women with our tiny brains to exercise bodily autonomy. Thank goodness men are the ones making those decisions now!

      Abortion: something women shouldn't hurt their pretty heads worrying about.

      A writer for the National Review came up with the ultimate end to abortion: hanging women! Hell yes, super solved that one!

      Municipal council candidate Trish Kelly was dismissed from Vision Vancouver's slate after a blogger uncovered a video of Kelly performing a monologue about how awesome masturbation is. Thank goodness we were able to put women's sexuality under wraps yet again. After all, a woman's sexual agency is the single biggest threat to our modern society!

      Trish Kelly.

      A 27-year-old Detroit woman and mother of three was shot to death by a man after refusing his advances. Lesson here, ladies? Always talk to a man!

      I wrote about getting sexually harassed and—despite not a single word about my harasser's appearance—was told I would have liked it if the man was attractive. Finally, I understand! I only disliked getting sexually harassed by ugly men. It must be true, this bro says the same thing!

      Speaking of the futility of words, in November, Time magazine asked its readers whether the word feminism should be banned. How wonderful that would be! Then we wouldn't have to listen to those whiny feminists anymore! (Besides, we all know women hate feminism anyway, right #WomenAgainstFeminism?)

      Though the poll was regrettably taken down before wicked, bad, naughty, evil feminism could be struck from the record, thankfully the #Meninist movement (or is it #Menimist?) is re-emerging on Twitter now, so we can finally start talking about what's most important in the world—which is obviously men and why have I wasted this much of your time not talking about men? MEN MEN MEN.

      (Super fair point, y'all.)

      All of this hardly matters, though, because a single, beautiful hashtag—#WomenAgainstFeminismfucking ended the patriarchy in July!

      It's over, folks, it's allllllllllllllll over!

      So, a sincere and hearty thank you to all of those who came together in 2014 to put women so thoroughly in their place.




      Dec 19, 2014 at 2:16pm

      We should also celebrate the win for freedom of speech at universities like UBC and Dalhousie, where dudes can make rape jokes with impunity! Heck, we'll even graduate them into a professional that gives you access to drugs that render your patient unconscious! Sokay, CeeLo's got that covered.


      Dec 19, 2014 at 2:19pm

      Thank you for an entertaining and insightful article!


      Dec 19, 2014 at 10:40pm

      That was totally excellent...a man must have written it!

      (Aiii! Runs away)


      Dec 20, 2014 at 3:14am

      "I only disliked getting sexually harassed by ugly men."


      Patti Pearcey

      Dec 20, 2014 at 11:41am

      Thanks GS, great summary, well done! Nothing like humour at the blackest hour. Keep it up!


      Dec 20, 2014 at 12:57pm



      Dec 20, 2014 at 5:34pm

      Don't forget Jian Ghomeshi!