Excellence in Advertising: Dodge Charger

Before God invented Netflix and PVRs, you had to sit through a battery of commercials every time you turned on the idiot box. Most of them made you wonder why the hell Philo Taylor Farnsworth didn’t also invent something to block out commercials. Like Netflix or PVRs. 

But occasionally, a television ad struck gold to where you’d sit through a seven-hour Cannon marathon to see it again. And now, thanks to the magic of YouTube (which we can thank God for inventing) you can relive the magic at the touch of a mouse. Here’s today’s nomination for Excellence in Advertising.

Here’s a funny thing about cars—for most of us, they are a symbol of complete and utter buffoonery. What screams sad mid-life crisis louder than the sight of a 50-something man driving a Porsche, especially one of the convertible variety?

And who in the flying fuck drops $100,000 on a Ferrari when there are children starving in China, Africa, and the nongentrified areas of Strathcona?

That said, even the most fervent Car Free Day supporter has to admit that some cars are inherently, and totally awesomely, badass. And right at the top of the list is the 1970 Dodge Charger. 

The future American classic was dreamed up as an answer to the Ford Mustangs and the Chevrolet Camaros of the era. (Both of which, it must be noted, also deserve the title of completely badass.)

And what better way to show the badassery of the Dodge Charger than to park it at a remote beach with a flustered nerd named Elliot at the wheel? The clip starts out with the Charger’s clearly sexually frustrated owner telling his prim and proper girl, Charlotte, that they’ve been going together for three or four (presumably hump-free) years. 

Before he can pop the question—not to mention his cork—he’s suddenly set upon by a gaggle of hot and horny automobile admirers. Before you know it, Elliot is groping his Hurst shifter, talking about hidden headlights, and leering away as his newfound friends settle back into the Charger's highback seats. 

The final message of a commercial that reportedly never aired because it was too racy for the early ’70s? That would be that nothing delivers a smoother ride than a Dodge Charger. And, presumably, Elliot, who, thanks to his new badass car, is finally going to get laid.