Say what you will about the ever-charming Justin Bieber, but you can’t deny that, when he goes on tour, he doesn’t just sit around his hotel room.
Pop’s most famous public restaurant-kitchen urinator has had a busy week as he rolls though South America. Astonishingly, he kicked things off with an act that actually made him seem like something other than a spoiled mega-star who needs a good swift rap in the yarbles.
Right before Halloween he made headlines by hopping in helicopter after a show and then heading to a poor jungle village in Guatemala. He promptly removed his shirt and packed a trowel or two full of mortar into cracks in a brick wall while cameras clicked, leading to headlines that he was “building a school” for the underprivileged.
That bit of goodwill out of the way, the Biebs then reverted to the kind of behaviour that his fans have come to love and respect. First, he got on a plane to Brazil, and then reportedly visited a brothel, leaving one wonder which employee finally drew the losing straw.
Photographers caught him sneaking out of the brothel covered by a sheet, which unfortunately for him, didn’t cover a telltale tattoo on his wrist.
This led the New York Post to report: “The 19-year-old pop star and a friend spent more than three hours in the popular whorehouse Centauros in Rio de Janeiro — before leaving with two women, sources said. He jumped into the back seat of a car while the women, who covered their faces, were put in SUVs and escorted back to his hotel.”
Seriously dude—you are one of the most successful “musicians” in the world, and the only pieces of ass you can get belong to a couple of hookers?
Bieber followed this up by pitching a complete hissy fit in Sao Paulo. Following reports that he’d kicked a Brazilian flag, and left fans who paid over $1,000 to meet him waiting three hours, the singer showed up an hour-and-a-half late for a concert. He then capped that concert off by bailing early when he was hit by a water bottle.
Speaking volumes about him was his response to getting hit: as you can see in the video below, the goddamn pussy just stood there and gave a death stare, before punishing everyone in attendance for the action of one person. Seriously dude—as every Axl Rose fan knows, real music stars drop their microphones and then take matters into their own hands.
Not done rebranding himself as pop music’s most loathsome shitheel, Biebs was back in the news this morning for spray painting the walls of an upscale hotel in Rio’s Sao Conrado district. Reports have the singer spray painting ‘Bielibers 4 life’ and ‘respect privacy’ on the wall, as well as works of art that suggested he has a ways to go before he makes anyone forget about Banksy.
News outlets have also reported that members of the singer’s entourage then attacked photographers while the pride of Stratford, Ontario screamed “suck my dick” in the background. Seriously dude—considering where your two-inches of terror has been recently, no one is going to want your worm anywhere near their mouth unless they are getting paid.
Bieber is now in Paraguay, where he plays the capital Asuncion tonight. Rumours are that, afterwards, he plans to piss in the mouths of a couple of street kids. Unless, that is, he can find some poor janitor’s mop bucket.