Homeless in Vancouver: Why panhandling isn’t for the birds

I really thought raccoons would figure it out first—or crows.

But it appears the race to be the first non-human species to panhandle may have been won by seagulls. Well, this seagull—and with predictable results.

The panning itself isn’t the problem. It’s dealing with all the coins afterwards.

It’s hard enough some times for human panhandlers to convert the coinage they receive into bills. Birds will have it that much harder.

The problem with panhandling is the handling part

A lot of panhandlers convert their coins at fast-food restaurants. All birds, however, have learned the hard way that waddling into restaurants can be dangerous—the distance from the front door to the cooking pot is very short as the crow flies.

Birds won’t like convenience stores either, because of the language barrier and the fact that they’re always expected to buy something.

That leaves financial institutions, which require the coins to be in rolls.

Even with pre-rolled tubes, the operation will be all but impossible for birds who won’t be evolving fingers or thumbs any time soon. Even assuming they can balance the coin tubes on end, birds would find the process of picking up the coins with their beaks to be maddening—they’ll probably swallow every second or third one; hardly a health hazard for a seagull, but after the coins come out the other end, no one will take them.

So I give our feathered friend here marks for effort but by now it’ll be back doing what nature intended it to—Dumpster diving.