As any fool knows, you don’t put brown M&Ms in Van Halen’s candy bowl, dare forget Ted Nugent’s Red Bull, or stock Kanye West’s backstage bathroom with anything less than Neutrogena dandruff shampoo.
And, while we’re on the subject, what kind of idjit would dare serve Jack White an inferior dip like Dean’s Zesty Guacamole? You either make the former White Stripe’s guac by hand, or you get a thrashing that would make Jason Stollsteimer blanche.
Yes, according to his recently leaked tour rider document, White has a serious thing for guacamole. He also, evidently, isn’t overly thrilled about the world knowing: a) that he likes his guacamole handmade; b) he needs an iron, ironing board, and Jiffy brand steamer for his clothes; and c) what he gets paid for an honest night’s work.
These requests and more were revealed recently by the University of Oklahoma’s student newspaper.
Under a headline title “'We want it chunky' and other gems from Jack White's contact with OU", the Oklahoma Daily printed White’s rider in full. For those curious, the alt-icon got paid $80,000 for a University of Oklahoma set that clocked in at two-and-a-half hours.
White’s contract also outlined a fairly elaborate guacamole recipe which was expected to be followed in full, right down to the full bunch of cilantro.
Highlights of said recipe include: “…careful not to mush the avocados too much. We want it chunky. Once properly mixed and tested, add the pits into the guacamole and even out the top with a spoon or a spatula. Add 1/2 lime to the top layer so you cover most of the surface with the juice. (The pits and lime will keep it from browning).”
It was initially reported that White was angry enough that his booking agency, William Morris Endeavour Entertainment, intended to blacklist the school. (William Morris’ artist’s include Weezer, the Foo Fighters, and, in horrible news for "mature students" the—ahem—Backstreet Boys.)
White’s people have since said that there is no ban, and that the singer blames the paper, not the students and fans, stating the reporting from The Oklahoma Daily staff was “unfortunate, unprofessional, and very unwelcoming”
Proving White—and his people—have a sense of humour, the issued statement also includes: “By the way, now that it’s out there, we recommend you try Lalo’s guacamole recipe. It’s delicious.”
You can see the whole rider here.