It's Thursday, which means another missive from the insufferable Gwyneth Paltrow, whose quasi-weekly GOOP newsletters never fail to infuriate. She's the celeb we all love to hate.
I'm sure Paltrow is a lovely, friendly, and fun gal. That's not the point. It's her misguided attempts at reaching out and connecting with us poor souls down here in the real world that induce all the uncontrollable eye-rolling. If she would just own her life of privilege and not rub it in our faces in an attempt to "share" with us commoners, then we could be cool.
But it's lines like these that have caused my forehead to be imprinted with the outline of my keyboard:
"David Babaii helps me get into my shoes. No task is too small for David!" (Accompanied by illustrative photo of-yes-Gwynnie's feet with attendants dutifully buckling her stilettos. Go David!)
When she gets her hair stylist, the aforementioned Babaii, to contribute some tips, the result is truly emetic fawning:
"I have had the great pleasure of working with Gwyneth for the past nine years. She has been not only a client but the most approachable, kind, supportive and fun loving person I know...After all, hair is an accessory and Gwyneth is just perfection."
Really, Gwyneth, you couldn't have edited Babaii's ass-licking commentary just a little?
Then there's the closing line of the newsletter, courtesy of her pre-Emmy Awards makeup artist, Kate Lee: "I used a lip liner that is the same shade as Gwyneth’s lips to define them, and then she added a dab of her own Khiels lip balm so the color was actually her natural lip color."
Okay, so you coloured her lips in the exact same colour as they are without colour, and then Gwyneth put something clear on top of that, so they basically looked exactly the same as when you started?
I think I speak for everyone when I say: Urggh!