News for Youse: Pics of Zuckerberg's cock raise FB privacy concerns

Private pictures of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg including the one above emerged yesterday after a bunch of wags on a body building forum exploited a Facebook security glitch. The stunt drew attention to ongoing concerns over FB’s fragile security structure, not to mention countless jokes about Zuckerberg flogging his chicken.

In other tech stories, it was announced that the Library of Congress will store every tweet ever made since co-founder Jack Dorsey launched Twitter in 2006 with the profound and historic words—“just setting up my twttr”. The news was greeted with great enthusiasm by Cincinnati, Ohio, resident Raymond Babbit.

In a dispute that conjures images of a snake eating its own tail—especially if it’s a snake riddled with suppurating tumours and caked with crude oil and chemical dispersants—BP and Halliburton are arguing over who was more responsible for the Deepwater Horizon disaster in the Gulf of Mexico last year, with BP claiming that Halliburton "intentionally destroyed test results on its cement product.”

Either one of these corporations should consider using the services of Bell Pottinger, a UK lobbying firm that was busted in the Independent yesterday admitting that it employs “the dark arts” to influence government policy and shape public opinion.

Bell Pottinger executives thought they were meeting with representatives seeking to launder the public image of Uzbekistan when they proudly described the various ways they usurp democracy and make us all look like assholes. The caper prompted Bell Pottinger's irony-impaired chairman—Margaret Thatcher’s former media advisor Lord Bell—to furiously denounce the journalists for their “unethical deception”, tee hee!

Maybe Syria’s president, Bashar al-Assad, should talk to Bell Pottinger, especially after his sweaty performance on ABC News last night. Assad insisted numerous times to Barbara Walters that he bears no responsibility for the thousands of deaths that have followed an almost yearlong government crackdown in Syria.

Jeez, and all she did was ask him what kind of tree he’d like to be.